Wood Sock Sign Tutorial

Hey y'all.  I've been feeling nesty and crafty this week, and I found a few projects to do on Pinterest.  Only thing is, I had to look at several wooden sign tutorials to get a thorough overview of the process to do one on my own.  So I brought together the tips I gleaned and created my own tutorial.  (Hopefully I don't forget anything!)

Here's how I made this sign.

Materials:
-board or boards cut to whatever size you want
-vinyl alphabet stickers (I made mine, but you can buy them on Amazon or at craft stores.)
-ruler
-acrylic craft paint and a bottle of spray paint (I used a satin finish, but matte is great if you can find it)
-paint brushes in various sizes
-paper plate or palette to mix colors (optional)
-nails and a hammer for distressing (optional)
-clothespins
-hot glue and a glue gun
-sawtooth hangers and nails
-sandpaper (a sandpaper block or orbital sander makes life easier!)
-sealer of some sort (I used a matte spray sealer from Walmart)

Step 1:  Choose a board for your sign based on the space you plan to put it.  You can use any size board you have on hand.  Some of the missing sock signs on Pinterest are large squares or rectangles, and some are just single pallet boards.  My husband used six small pallet boards for this sign.  He cut them to the size I wanted, then attached two boards (vertically) with a staple gun to the four horizontal boards to stabilize them.  He then hung a couple sawtooth hangers at the top back.

Step 2:  Decide what you want your sign to say and create a layout before painting or applying stickers.  For this sign, I used vinyl stickers that I made on my Cricut machine.  I had some letters left over from other projects and I made the rest.  You can also buy premade alphabet stickers.

Lay your stickers out as you want them to appear on your finished sign.  You can get all mathy and measure your board to be precise about placement, but I just eyed the placement of my stickers.

Step 3:  Choose your paint colors and get to lettering!  My house is decorated in a nature theme, and I chose brown, green, off white and yellow for this sign that I plan to hang in our laundry room.  I wanted the words on the sign to be green and off white and the bird to be yellow. 

I wanted the top board to say, "Clean, Single".  I painted that board green with acrylic craft paint and applied the vinyl stickers after the paint dried.  (Acrylic paint doesn't take long to dry if you do thin coats.)  The first photo shows my layout after the green paint dried.

This photo shows how the vinyl stickers looked after I placed them on the top board.  I decided that the second board would just have "&" and it would be off white, so I painted the area where I planned the symbol to go, let it dry, and stuck the sticker on it.

I painted the rest of the boards green except for the area where I planned the word "Mate" and the vinyl sticker of the bird to go.  (*Note:  I don't recommend painting the entire sign before the spray paint step.  I advise only painting the areas that you plan to put your letters.  Either leave the rest of the board/s unpainted, or choose a paint color that contrasts with your chosen spray paint color (light spray paint with dark background acrylic craft paint OR dark spray paint with light background acrylic craft paint.)  You'll see why in another step.)  

My husband used his Xacto knife set to create a vinyl sticker of a bird, using one of my plastic bird stencils. (Isn't he sweet?)  I made the branch with scissors and a strip of scrap vinyl.

Step 4:  When all your stickers are in place, it's time to spray paint over the whole thing!  (I know!  Scary!)  Make sure your stickers are firmly pressed down without any lumps or air bubbles so the spray paint doesn't bleed under the stickers.  I used an old piece of cardboard to put the sign on in the garage, and I sprayed on two light coats of Rustoleum paint in Espresso with a satin finish (from Walmart).  You can also just use newspaper under your sign.  Spray paint takes longer to dry than acrylic paint does, so give it some time.  It needs to be fully dry before you peel off the stickers.

You guys, I'd never done this before.  I was afraid I'd screwed up all that work!  But I didn't!!!!

Step 5:  After the spray paint is completely dry, peel the vinyl stickers off and reveal the paint underneath.  Ta-da!!!!  (Totally satisfying.)

 

Woohoo!!!

Step 6:  If you like your sign's intensity as is, skip to Step 7.  If you like an "antique" distressed look, grab a sanding block or an orbital sander, some nails and a hammer.  Play around with the sander on your sign.  Focus more on the edges for an authentically aged look.  Sand over the background and your letters.  Stop sanding when you like what you see.  If you want to distress your sign, lie your nails randomly around the board and hammer their edges here and there.  It marks up the board.  You don't have to go crazy with it.  (But it's free therapy, yo.)

(*Note:  See the green showing through the brown where I sanded below?  Notice how the sanding looks nicer where the off white is underneath?  (Around the "&" and "Mate".)  The white paint creates more contrast against the brown spray paint.  It looks more authentically aged with that contrast.  If I were making another one of these signs, I would leave the background boards unpainted, or if they were stained or dark, I'd dry brush them with a light color acrylic craft paint.)

Step 7:  Place your sign back on your cardboard or newspaper and spray two light coats of sealer.  This will protect your sign's finish.  (For outside signs, you'll want to use something heavy duty, like polyurethane.  And you'll want to wait to apply it until all parts of the sign are done.)  Let it dry.

Step 8:  Paint your clothespins with acrylic craft paint and let dry.  Then apply sealer to them as well.  Heat up your glue gun and glue clothespins to the bottom of your sign with the grippy part hanging down.  Hold in place for 15-20 seconds.  (You can measure for precise placement, but again, I just eyed mine.)

I glued the off white clothespins on first.  Then decided I needed more.

All done!  Now go grab your sock singletons and pin them on.

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P.S.  I think this is my first tutorial, so if I forgot something, let me know! 

Summer Wrap

Whew!  It's been a busy summer, y'all!

It was all-Godspell-all-the-time for awhile there.  Here's a video of my solo.  (That's Nature Boy in the polka dots!)




I can't believe it's already Back to School time for the neighborhood kids.  Why, back in my day, we didn't start school until after Labor Day.

Long live summer!

That said, I'm totally being a follower and starting our homeschool year now too.  Our homeschooling style has shifted a lot over the 7 years we've been doing this.  We started out doing unit studies, switched to a 3Rs, Ruth Beechick-y approach, got all hippie and unschooled for a few years, and now we've settled into plain ol' "relaxed homeschooling".

Which I define as:  not enough formal school work to look or feel like actual school, but enough formal school work so I don't have panic attacks and go prematurely grey.

Finding your groove in homeschooling is like getting past that annoying period in your 20s when you're all, Who am I?  What am I supposed to be doing with my life?  It's a relief, really.  I'm fairly certain that I spent more time agonizing over learning styles, teaching methods, and what other people might think about our choices than I did actually homeschooling for the first 5 years or so.  For real.

Now that that's over (knock on wood), I can confidently say that I am:

Woohoo.

In other news, I'm still fat.

BUT, I've gone to a couple PiYo classes (pilates and yoga combo), and I really enjoyed them.  Even though I sweat like a man and I'm too arthritic for a yoga mat, so I use our gel mat from the kitchen.  (Yeah, all the young skinny girls wanna be like me!)  Usually I work out at home, alone, after everyone else has gone to bed.  Not because I'm ashamed or anything.  It's just, that's my time to Netflix binge, and exercising without being entertained by TV is just weird.

As we wrap up summertime, I'm going to take a minute to review the highlights.

Ren Faire!

We got a pet mouse.  (Read: the snake didn't want him.) 

He's actually a really friendly little guy.  Hand-tame and everthang.

Berry pickin'!

Ripley's Believe It or Not Odditorium!

Did some more crafty stuff.

Nature Boy grew an awesome garden.

And he started a wire wrapped jewelry business!
If you'd like to buy one of his necklaces, send me an email at yeahisaiditblog{at}gmail.com.  You can choose your stone from several options, and the price is $15 shipped. 
(The pendants below have already sold.)
We're considering a family Etsy shop, but for now, we're set up to take Paypal.

That's all I got!  I hope you've enjoyed your summer.  Please leave a comment sharing one of your favorite activities of the summer, or tell me something you're looking forward to this fall.

I Made Deez

In keeping with my long history of slacker-blogging, the following is a post consisting of a bunch of pictures of stuff I made recently.  I was in an artsy mood there for a few weeks.  Crafting, combined with 8 (LONG) weeks of practices for the musical, Godspell, has me creativity-challenged right now.  Soooo, hopefully you enjoy looking at photos of crap I made!

With the Crapper decorating the wall in our main bathroom, we obviously needed something for the master bath.  So I made this.

Then I busted out my new Cricut machine and made this wall art.

The Cricut machine came with some glass etching goo, so I made some etched initial vases with vinyl stencils I made on the Cricut. 

Everyone needs some giant 'staches for tooling around town.

Then I was all inspired to paint cartoonized portraits of my family!
 

Including the dogs!

And Tree Guy (grudgingly) hung them up in a display for me!

Then I made one for my mom.

Then I made some more signs to decorate our walls.

And then I got into doing initial art, a la Pinterest.  I used fancy linen samples that Nature Boy rescued from a dumpster for me (woohoo!), regular acrylic paint and plastic stencils.

And now I am exhausted! ;p


P.S. Whatsay I open an Etsy shop? And make custom cartoonized portraits of people and pets? Folks could send me a picture via email, and I could paint a small portrait for them for $15 shipped. Would you buy one? Do you think there'd be a demand for it?  What about framed initial art?  Custom birthday raps?  (Just kidding on that last one.)  (Kind of.)

P.S.S. Happy summer, y'all!  I can't wait to go swimming.  To show off my curves in my skirted granny swimsuit with the big floral print.  And a wide-brimmed gardening hat.  Hell, yeah!

Dude, Where's My Youth?

Tonight will be our second practice for Godspell.  The first practice was a meet-n-greet and a sing through of  the musical score.  Godspell has some awesome songs!!!  We gone be breakin' it down up in that performing arts center!  I like the cast too.  Lots of music folks and theater peeps, which makes for interesting conversation.  (Kind of like going to gay karaoke.  Which I was totally going to do with the fam tomorrow night, but then my gay karaoke-going friend Byn, who invited us, flaked out because she's got to do something boring instead.  Something about going to the screening of her daughter's new movie, To the Wonder.  Lame.)  Just kidding, Byn!!!!!!  Here.  I'll post a hot picture of you and your husband to show how sorry I am.)  (I totally stole this off Facebook.)

Anyhoo, back to Godspell.  When you audition for a part, there's usually a form to fill out with all your info.  On this form, there's a place to write which part you'd like to audition for.  It had been so long since I'd done musical theater, that when I auditioned for Oliver!: The Musical last fall, I filled in that section with "Wherever I fit the best!"  Professional, eh?  Seriously, I was just grateful to get a role in Oliver.  My audition skills were rusty, I was nervous, I'm chubby and arthritic now, so my dancing skills are lacking, etc.

I felt so lucky to get a part with a solo!  Relearning all that musical theater stuff was humbling for me.  It'd been 20 years!  It was Theater Bootcamp.  But I loved it.  I totally caught the musical theater bug again.

So this time, I chose a more challenging audition song (Feeling Good) and I was more prepared and confident at the audition.  I done good, if I do say so myself.  (Shameless.)





I even (canyoubelieve) listed the role I wanted on my information sheet.  I really, really like the song, Turn Back, O Man, so I wrote that I wanted to audition for the role of Sonia.  A saucy, sassy bluesy flirt.





I didn't get the role of Sonia. It went to a saucy, sassy, bluesy, 20-something young lady. I was cast as Peggy, an adulterous earth mother type. Which makes sense, since most of the cast is 20-something, and at one point, Sonia tells Jesus, "Come here Jesus! I got somethin' to show ya!"  Our Jesus is a young college student, so a middle aged Sonia hitting on a 20-something Jesus would be totally inappropriate.  (Whereas a 20-something Sonia hitting on a 20-something Jesus makes total sense.  Am I right?)

I'm not bitter.  The casting is excellent for our show.  And I am definitely more the earth mother type than the hooker type.  Lesson learned:  Don't choose a role to audition for just because you like the solo.

You're never too old to learn something new, folks!

I just want to say that I am so proud of Nature Boy.  There are 11 principal (main) roles in our show, and he got one!  Even though the rest of us are adults.  He is that good, y'all!  Not sure if we'll be able to video any practices for this show, but if so, I'll post them here.

Love you guys!  Thanks for sticking with me.

Monster Cookies and Humble Pie

So, four score and seven years ago I promised you guys the recipe for Monster Cookies.  And then I totally failed to deliver.  Sorry!  I'll post the recipe right after I post this blog post, I swear!

I've been failing to deliver on le olde blog for a while now, and all I can say in my defense is that it's a side effect of my overall shift to less computer time and more real life time.  I'm such a slacker that I didn't even participate in the yearly blog meme in January about my word of the year.  (Last year it was balance.  This year it's present.)

Most of my computer time is spent on Facebook.  There's a lot of interaction there.  I like having virtual conversations.  Maybe even more than I like having real conversations, because I can just step away from the computer when people get on my nerves I have some important work to do.  I cherish my Facebook friends.  I'm a word girl, but I'm also a bit of an attention whore, so I'm drawn to the instant feedback on Facebook.  In summary, I believe that in a Facebook/Blog smackdown, Facebook would totally kick Blog's ass.

And speaking of ass-kicking, my current fibromyalgia flare is kicking mine.  It's been going on for 6 years weeks!  Enough already!  I've got an audition for Godspell in less than two weeks.  I can't be walking into the audition room like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

And this is a rock opera (whatever than means).  I'm assuming some dancing will be called for.  Not that I have any dancing skills to speak of, but my right thumb is affected by the fibro, so I can't even manage jazz hands right now!  Nature Boy is auditioning too, by the way.  We're all about the opportunity to do a musical together.  It doesn't happen very often.

Cripply and all, I still managed to throw my second swap last Sunday.  The first swap was about spice cake and swapping clothes and accessories.  Nine friends showed up.  It was a great time!  This time I asked my friends to bring a variety of stuff.  Household stuff.  Garden stuff.  Kid stuff.  Books.  Since the swap was on St. Paddy's Day, I had Celtic music in the background, green (vanilla) and yellow (lemon) cupcakes, and leprechaun turds (jelly beans).  Only one friend got pinched for not wearing green.  She pinched me back though, and then flashed me her green undies.  The same friends came to this swap as last time (minus two Ren Faire-in-training folks and one Cuban Homeskool Mafia slacker who didn't even RSVP...).  I donated all the left over stuff the next day.

Ahh.  Friends+cupcakes+decluttering=good times.

Unfortunately, I forgot to take pictures!  Again.  But here's a poster I made for the old guess-how-many-are-in-this-jar-and-win-a-prize game.
  

[Editor's Note:  I totally misspelled the word "leprechaun".  Fock!]

Also, my mom purposely tore down the towel rack in the guest bathroom in a fit of rage because I didn't have her and Nature's Boy's favorite TP on hand (Charmin Sensitive).  Tree Guy repaired the wall, but my crazy fibro thumb made fixing the paint in there before the swap a no-go, so I also hung up this poster.

I have a slight hostess rant to inject here.  I invited 40-odd people to each of my two swaps via Facebook Events, and the vast majority didn't RSVP.  That's annoying, y'all.  I don't mind a "no" at all, but for the love of all that is proper and southern, at least respond to the invite!  Of course it's possible that these friends don't check their Facebook notifications, and I hear a few gave up Facebook for Lent, but I see my Facebook Event invite experience as a microcosm of society at large.  Of the disappearance of social graces in general.  (Not really, y'all.  Actually, I'm just bitter about people not responding to MY invites.  I don't really have a position on other people's invites.  :D )

What do you think?  Am I right to be planning a large-scale cupcake bombing of the no-RSVPing people's houses?  Or is it ridiculous to expect an RSVP to an e-vite in the first place?  21st century problems!

I bet you guys would totally come to a swap party at my house, wouldn't you?!

Whew.  And THAT, dear readers, is what the inside of a bipolar mind sounds like.  Similar to the ADD mind, but with more--feeling.

Up next, MONSTER COOKIES!

   

Hair-Muggification. And a Little Ditty.

Sorry I lied to you guys about the whole "I'll post a video tomorrow" thing.  Sometimes I lie.*  It's necessary to balance out all the good I do.

I will post the video of me singing Adele's Make You Feel My Love in a moment.  But first I'd like to complain about a couple things.  Because that's what I do.  I complain.**

The first thing I'd like to complain about is that I was recently hair-mugged for the 3453545th time.  If you've been around for a while, you know that this is a recurring theme in my life.  For the rest of you, a definition. 

Hair-mugged:  [haer-mug-d] verb; past tense 

1. the act of cutting off way more hair than a person has requested or given permission for (usually perpetrated by a licensed hair stylist) 

2. the act of chopping layers into previously layerless hair without the consent of the client (also usually perpetrated by a licensed hair stylist)

[present tense: is hair-mugging; future tense: will hair-mug}

It'd been 10 weeks since I'd last been robbed of hair, so it was time for a trim.  The last stylist I went to went renegade and decided to deal with my weird swirly growth pattern by cutting the underneath layer at the back of my neck an inch shorter than the rest of my hair.  To "hide it".  Because apparently that layer of hair is optional. 

And since Miss Scissorhands cut the back of my hair so short overall, the underneath layer ended up only being a half inch long.  I was all, "WTH?  Who just gets rid of a layer of hair to deal with a swirly growth pattern?"  And the really sucky thing is that this stylist cost 3 times more than my usual one.

Her masterplan to ruin my life help me manage my swirly growth pattern only caused another problem. Without that underlayer of hair, my curls fell all weird in back.  The left side looked like it was an inch longer than the right side.  And I have OCD, so symmetry is essential.

I went back to try to get things evened out a little, hoping that the stylist could trim the longer-looking side a bit so it would all fall evenly when dry.  Instead, she gave me a hack job on only the left side of my head.  I came home and asked Shrinky Dink to fix it.  (She's my best friend, so she wants me to have good hair.  And she's an artist, so she's got symmetry skillz.)

I waited 10 long weeks to get some length back.  I didn't go back to the expensive hair Nazi (No hair for YOU!).  I went to a cheap stylist who, while not particularly creative, has given me decent haircuts in the past.  I helpfully detailed all the things I wanted (the sides and front long) and all the things I didn't want (chin-length hair).  And she gave me what I asked for--except that she also gave me SIDE LAYERS.  I HATE side layers.  Side layers are not for curly-haired people.  When I have side layers, they wedge up, making me look like a jellyfish.  It's not a good look, people.

And now that I've spent so much time complaining about hair-mugging, I don't feel like complaining about the second thing.  (You're welcome.) 

As a consolation prize for having to read about the Great Hair-Mugging Debacle of 2012/2013, I will just post the video now.

Actually, I just lied again.  First I'll do the footnotes.  Then I'll post the video.

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*I actually don't lie.  Except about my weight on my drivers license.

**I do complain, however.  Frequently.  I find that it keeps me from going postal on people.  In that way, my complaining is actually a public service.  You're welcome, society at large.

Top 10 for 2012

Like most of America, I have a cold right now.  Which is the perfect excuse, in my opinion, to do absolutely nothing.  So in place of a real blog post, I am offering my wonderful (Kleenex-clinging) readers a recycled medley of my Top 10 Posts for 2012.

You're welcome!

But first, here is a funny dog picture I found on Pinterest.

#1  Bully Bustin': a guest post

Yep.  My most viewed post of 2012 was actually written by my mom.  (Where do you think I got my general badassery?)  It's about bullying in the workplace.


#2  Sunday Stream of Consciousness

Interestingly, my second most viewed post this year was a hastily written, random one.  A little peek into my (unedited) mind, if you will.  This happens to be the post where I first came out with my nostril fixation. (Thus explaining the post's popularity.  Surely.)

#3  5 Things You Don't Know About Me 

I love when bloggers I like post a Things You Don't Know About Me post.  Humans are weird.  We all have fascinating tidbits that we don't think to share in our daily lives.  (Ooh!  Leave me a comment below sharing some of yours!)

#4  McDonald's Playplace: a good place to catch some Zs

This one's about an eventful trip to McDonald's with my best friend, Shrinky Dink, and our 4 kids. This chick got on my nerves.  I cartoonified it so she shall live in infamy.    

#5  My grandparents: a love story

This post is about my love affair with my grandparents.  It also has a picture of my naked butt.

#6  Ode to my left nostril

This one is when I fully unfurled my freak flag, sharing the fact that I actually Google my nostrils.  It's also when I discovered that my left nostril is famous.  (No autographs, please.)

#7  My kid's a genius. And so is yours.

The definition of success for kids is even more limited than it is for grownups.  In this post, I proposed a new definition.

#8  Farewell Ol' Henry

After driving our old, paid off cars for 34389653 years, we got a new one.  And like siblings, our dogs fought over shotgun.

#9  Farts: a compendium

Ahh, Nature Boy's inaugural post.  Who doesn't think farts are funny?!  (Besides my mother-in-law.)

#10  Tank says: It wasn't me.  

Another dog-centric post, this one is about our adorable (huge)(drooly)(separation anxiety-havin') boxer, Tank.  This month marks one year of sharing a life with the Tankster.  (We adopted him from Boxer Rescue.)  We think he's pretty awesome.

Thanks for a great 2012, y'all!

Flo the 'fro had to go, but now I'm down wit' the Clown

So you know how I posted that Flo the 'fro was going into retirement due to concerns about offending Black folks and the possibility of having to deal with hateful backlash like the White chick over at Before and Afro? (She recently got her (real) hair did, by the way!)

Well, the feedback I've received since that post has consisted of:

1. Disappointment that Flo is no mo'.  (It's a public no-go fo' Flo.  But will I don her at home?  Fo' sho'.)

and

2. Indignance that White folks like Michelle at Before and Afro get attacked for wearing a 'fro, but Black folks can wear straight blond wigs with no backlash.  It's a double standard.  (Yeah, I said it.)

Howev, my reasons for not wearing Flo out the do' (that stands for "door", all you Whiteys) has more to do with my desire to accurately represent myself.  I'm not political.  I'm crazy.  I want to have fun, and be audacious, and rap crappily in the 'burbs.  A costume is part of the fun.  When it becomes about politics, it becomes unfun.        

Besides, my alter ago, Ms. Crazy Papers, has had the same 'do for years.  Every girl needs a change now and then, right?

I really like color, so how about some colorful do-rags?

Does this do-rag make me look phat?

Or perhaps something like this.  (I'd merely be emulating my favorite songstress!)

Or, even though clowns creep me out, how about a purple clown wig?  (Clowns are pretty much as White as you can get, so I would only be appropriating clown culture.)

Which Caucasian-appropriate look do you like best?  

Suburban Gypsy?  Frou Frou Diva?  Or Purple Clownstress?  

Broke Ass Christmas: a rap

Several of my girlfriends are struggling to afford Christmas presents this year.  Money is tight all around.  I don't know many people who aren't at least a little worried about finances right now.

I know that the real meaning of Christmas has nothing to do with commercialism, but I also know that it's at least as much fun to give as it is to receive.  (So have fun and send me an Ulta giftcard!)

I wrote this rap to commiserate with my fellow broke moms.  And to cheer them up!

Merry Broke Ass Christmas, e'rybody!

Drama: ain't saving it for my mama

I haven't been clicking my way through Blogland for a couple months because Nature Boy and I have been BI-ZAY.  We both got roles in a community theater production of Oliver! The Musical, and theater is a jealous mistress.  It involves so many practice sessions that I don't know how people with actual jobs do it!  They must be exhausted.  I can only do it 'cuz Tree Guy's bank-rollin' this operation.  (Thanks, babe.)

I totally get the draw of theater, though.  So many creative folks go through life doing what they have to do to get the bills paid.  Because of time or family or financial constraints, creative expression gets pushed to the bottom of the list.  I admire the people I'm working with.  They are committed to making room in their lives for creativity.  They are making sacrifices to honor the artsy fartsy parts of themselves (and to entertain the public!), and I'm sure it's not easy.  (I'm wo' out, and I'm a lady o' leisure!)

Me, as Mrs. Bedwin

We only have two more shows.  I'm really going to miss these peeps!  Theater is weird in that for two months, we're spending several days a week with former strangers.  Changing next to them in the dressing rooms, zipping up their dresses, complimenting the job they do on stage, talking about our families and hopes and health.  Then BAM!  Everyone goes his or her own way and it's back to reality.  Doing theater is a close-knit, intense, all-for-one-and-one-for-all experience.  It's like friendship bootcamp.  I hope I am able to keep some of the new friends I've made.

I hope Nature Boy stays in touch with his new pals too.  Theater kids gotta stick together!  Because their brand of awesome isn't really appreciated by their peers when they are children.  They have to wait until adulthood to get that recognition from their age mates.  It's hard.

Nature Boy, as The Artful Dodger

I've learned three major truths by doing this, my first musical in 24 years.  Prepare yourself for this wisdom I'm about to lay down:

#1 - People are basically good.  (And theater people are basically AWESOME.)  
It's okay to open yourself up to new friendships and experiences.  It helps you grow.  And it has major fun potential!  As my regular readers know, I like to say that I tend toward paranoia.  (For real.)  Doing community theater has been a sort of exposure therapy for me.  And I love the results.

#2 - It's possible to overcome stage fright.  

I've written before about my fear of performing in public.  Doing this show has been exposure therapy for that as well.  I can now walk out on stage in front of a theater full of people and belt it.  No tinny, wavering voice.  No 'stache-area sweating.  No backing out.  This has been a lifelong fear, and I am conquering it.  I'm proud of myself, y'all.

#3 - I'm nearing 40, and there's still so much to learn.  (Yay!)

I love learning.  It's exciting to get involved in something new and discover fresh avenues to explore.  I've learned how to project my voice, that even mid-1850's housekeepers need supportive bras, that menthol cough drops right before a solo really help open the throat, that theater kids really need the support of the adults in their lives, that baked goods are always welcome in the Green Room, that stage acting is not the same as film acting (it's more exaggerated), that defining one's brows makes a world of difference, that a bit of brushable hairspray is my friend, and that people in my real life think I'm nice.  (Aww!)          
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What do you do to exercise your creativity?  When was the last time you tried something new? 

5 Things I Suck At

So much of online sharing is the brag-worthy good stuff.  My amazing nostrils, the bounty from some lady's garden, some dude's daughter's karate trophy.

I try to keep it real, both online and in person.  If anything, I overshare--which is huge for someone who tends toward paranoia.  Blogging is my exposure therapy.  (I just have to trust that you guys aren't crazy, stalking loons!)

Since I keep it real, I am now going to share 5 things I really suck at.

You're welcome.

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1.  Planning ahead.

I admit that I fly by the seat of my pants.  I am a fan of freedom and autonomy in all things.  Which sounds all noble, but isn't really conducive to responsible adult living.  I'm probably not the best homeschool teacher, definitely not the best employee, and likely not the ideal volunteer.  And I am most certainly not a money saver.  I usually don't know what's for dinner until 5 or 6pm.  Life with me is always a surprise.

2.  Eating in moderation.

Food is my drug of choice.  Especially sugar.  Especially in baked good format.  I will eat your slice too.

3.  Being reverent.

I know I'm not alone in this one.  Some of us just can't keep a straight face at church, at funerals, during a lecture from an authority figure.  As devastated as I was at my grandma's funeral last December, I couldn't help cracking up until I was sweaty and red-faced when the deacon decided to spend the service talking about purgatory.  PURGATORY!  Like people at a funeral want to hear about that!  Although at least half of my extended family is Catholic, I don't know that any of us even believe in purgatory.  But even if we did, we wouldn't want to hear about it days after losing a beloved family member.

Today's irreverent debacle was also church-related.  There's one older choir lady who is all old school when it comes to singing.  I was in choir growing up, so I know that she's just following the rules of choral singing.  She drops her jaw when singing vowels, seriously enunciates, and makes sure to end her words on a strong sound.  The problem is, no one else in the choir does that--so she really stands out to me.  And today she got a little overzealous.  She added hard "T" sounds to words that end with the letter D.  She was all, "We love you, Lort.  We obey your Wort."

I know I should have been focusing on the Word of God and the solemnity of the occasion, but I couldn't help laughing.  Nor could I be a responsible parent at that moment.  I brought Nature Boy in on it, and we both cracked up for the rest of the song.  Tree Guy doesn't appreciate public nonsense.  We totally got in trouble on the way home.

4.  Being on time.

I am always late.  Sometimes it's for a legitimate reason, but a lot of the time I'm late because I don't leave until it's time to be there.  It's not that I don't respect other people's time.  It's that I come up with 345345763786538 last minute things to do before I leave the house.  There's nothing like needing to be somewhere at a certain time to spur me to get stuff accomplished at home.  (Thing #76687 that drives my husband nuts.)  

5.  Tolerating bullsh!t.

This one's a biggie.  I am not very good at pretending.  I teach my son to ignore annoying people, but I don't always practice what I preach.  See, I inherited a gene from my mom that makes it impossible for me to avoid busting a (verbal) cap in a bully's ass.  When people act a fool, instead of quietly going about my business, I'm drawn in.  I'm all, "I'm your huckleberry."  (Obscure Tombstone reference.)  Which feels all badass at the time, but as I am 5'3", it probably looks absolutely ridiculous.  What I lack in stature, I make up for in crazy, though.  The best piece of parenting advice my mom ever gave me was:  Outcrazy the bullies.

Check.

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What do you suck at?