Much ado about nothing

Remember when I told you that I'm working on some songs just fer you?  I shall present you with one in a moment.

But first I'm going to get all vulnerable on you and confess that I am actually quite performance-shy. There are several reasons for this.  If you are not yet convinced that I am, in fact, crazy, this might tip the scale in my favor. 

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Top 5 Reasons I'm Afraid to Sing in Public

1. I had a crooked front tooth as a kid. I was very self-conscious about it. I didn't like people watching me while I sang because as all young girls know(!), people are constantly looking for and judging your flaws. 

2.  I've always been chubby.  I've ranged from curvy to plump to steroid-induced Jabba the Hutt.  As much as I'm all, "Screw convention!" in other ways, I can't seem to make peace with my fatness.  Unfortunately, I do not wave my fat flag proudly.  So having people stare at me while I sing is uncomfortable. 

3.  I'm afraid I'll mess up.  This is directly related to a middle school mishap in which I forgot the lyrics during a solo.  I didn't play it off and continue singing.  No, I got red-faced and left the room.  Embarrassing!!!      

4.  My mom informed me a few years ago that I inherited a big Jewish nose from my maternal grandma.  I really didn't notice its size or its ethnic heritage before she mentioned it.  Since then, as if to mock me, big freckles have congregated there like little exclamation points.  "Look at me!" they yell in unison.  This too makes me feel self-conscious while performing.  (Especially because I tend to flare my nostrils when I sing.  Watch and see.)

Do these freckles make my nose look fat?

5.  Thanks to my brother-in-law, I've discovered that I make weird faces when I sing.  Dramatic/earnest faces.  The one (and only) time I showed him a video of me singing he exclaimed, "Make love to that camera, girl!"  He's kooky so you'd think I would have laughed it off.  But noooo.  My neurosis overcame my sense of humor and now I'm self-conscious about yet another thing.

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Once a year or so, I decide to face my fear and sing karaoke or record a video to share.  I can handle these two things because:

1.  At karaoke, everybody's drunk and I'll probably never see them again anyway.

2.  With a video, I can edit and redo it and in general, obsess over it all I want before presenting it to the masses.  Plus, no one is looking at me while I do it. 

Neuroses aside, here's "When I Fall in Love" from Celine Dion's 1993 album, Color of My Love.