October 17, 2012


I am tired of hiding who I am, y'all. Tired of pretending to be this boring, ordinary suburban homeschool mom and wife from the Bible Belt. Tired of wearing denim jumpers and carrying a big binder everywhere I go. Tired of living a life of quiet creative desperation, afraid to reveal the truth of who I am.

It's time for me to come out of the closet and announce to you all that I am a...


I know that this will take some getting used to.  It might help to know that Cynthia Nixon, Jodie Foster, and Portia de Rossi are thespians too.  It's possible to be a normal, healthy woman, and a thespian. 

Thank you in advance for accepting me. ;)


Nature Boy and I both got roles in the musical we auditioned for last Sunday! We will be performing 9 shows in a community theater production of Oliver! The Musical.  NINE.  That's a lot.  With singing and dancing. Please pray that my Uncle Arthr-itis doesn't crash the party.  (Big women ask a lot of our knees as it is.) 

I was cast as an old housekeeper, Mrs. Bedwin.

I just want to say that the makeup artist is going to have a difficult time turning my hot self into an old, frumpy housekeeper.  A REALLY difficult time.  Especially with my left nostril upstaging folks left and right.  I shall try to contain my youth and sex appeal.  

Nature Boy got one of the lead roles: the Artful Dodger.

It's the role he wanted, so he's really excited. Since he's all blond and angelic-looking, he usually gets cast as royalty or a bullied kid.  Royalty isn't too much of a stretch, but playing a scared, wimpy kid isn't his favorite.  He's got a rep to maintain, you know. 

Here's his audition video.  I'm so proud.

October 11, 2012

Audition Vlog

So, this is one of those awkward videos filmed in a bedroom.

That didn't come out right.

What I mean is, you know how some folks on Youtube film makeup tutorials and singing videos in their bedrooms?  I'm sure it's because that's where their webcams are, but I've always found it a little weird/creepy.

And now now I'm doing one.

Bonus: If you look closely, you can see my gold tooth.

October 06, 2012

Berfday hilarity

I am so cracking up right now.

I was at Shrinky Dink's this morning, enjoying free coffee and homemade birthday cards (I'm 38!), when I decided to send a text to my old BFF from high school, Toni.  We haven't talked in a year or so, but I was thinking of her because I'd gotten out my old high school yearbooks to scan some pictures for my last blog post.  In one of the books, I'd written about Toni making a "bumlooker comment".  I don't remember the impetus or the context of the comment, but I do remember calling each other bumlooker (pronounced buhm-look-uh).  It made me laugh.

2 cool
+ 2 be      
   4 gotten

So I texted Toni.

Me:  Bumlooker.
Toni:  Who is this?
Me (thinking, she doesn't have my number saved in her phone!):  Who is the only person who has a history of saying bumlookuh!? 
Toni:  No idea.
Me:  You're getting old!  It's Dani.  I wrote about us in my senior book and just read it this week.  I'd forgotten about us saying bumlooker until I read it.
Toni:  Dani who?  This is Stephanie.


My first thought was that Toni was just messing with me.  Pretending not to know who Dani is!  Har har.  But then I remembered that Toni doesn't joke like that.  So I texted again.

Me:  Really?  Hahahaha!  My old friend Toni must have a different cell number.  Oops.  SORRY!  Lol!
"Toni"/Stephanie:  That's ok!
"Toni"/Stephanie:  I actually commented on my husband's butt right before you sent that and I thought someone was in my house!  Lol!  Scared the shit out of me!  Hahahhaa.

Which made the whole thing doubly awesome.

We chatted a little more, she wished me a happy birthday, and I sent her a postscript that my husband has a nice ass too.

If she was local, I bet we could totally be friends.

October 02, 2012

5 Things You Don't Know About Me

My friend Jessica over at Bohemian Bowmans has a little link up going on.  It's cute. It's fun. It's easy.  (Like me!) (Just kidding.) (Kind of.)

You already know I have OCD and a strange nostril fetish, that I am a fantastic white rapper and an insanely talented cartoonist.  You also know that Christians (and intolerance) get on my nerves sometimes, that I firmly believe some kids are a-holes, and that I post crazy pictures of myself so you won't feel intimidated by my awesomeness.  

But what you probably don't know is:

1. I say the word "rutabaga" all the time.

For example, Nature Boy will say, "Hey, Mom. What are we having for dessert?"  And I'll reply, "Rutabaga pie!"  Or the person I'm talking to will say, "Man, I lost my train of thought. What was I just talking about?"  And I'll helpfully respond, "Pretty sure it was something about rutabagas."

I can't explain it.  I have no defense.  I'm just weird.

Happy Rutabaga Woman

2. I have 6 tattoos.  

They are all nature-themed.  These two are my favorites (a dragonfly on the back of my neck, and a poppy on my back).

Neurotic Moment:  I have a superstitious OCD-fueled dislike of the number 6, so I'm definitely planning on getting one more tattoo.  The poppy flower on my back is in memory of my grandpa, Poppy.  I'm thinking of getting a hummingbird near the flower in memory of my grandma.  Hummingbirds always showed up wherever she lived.

3. I played basketball and threw the shot put and discus in high school.

I lifted a lot of weights in high school.  I felt like a badass tossing that metal ball.  I think I was one of approximately two white shot putters in our school district.

4. I have a panoply of scars on my belly.

Yeah, there will be no picture accompanying this one.  But here's a drawing as a consolation prize.  (I left off the stretch marks.  You're welcome.)

5. I had a probation officer at the age of 10.

A friend and I entertained ourselves at her birthday sleepover by breaking into her neighbors' mailboxes and destroying their mail.  A crabby, kid-hating old lady called the cops on us.  As we learned, mail theft is a federal offense.  I had to get permission to move out of state in the 5th grade!

October 01, 2012

That's money, honey

One of my fellow Homeskool Mafia members (a happy mom of 11 kids!) pinned this blog series on Pinterest:  Living on Less than $28,000 a Year.  In the series, The Peaceful Mom shares her tips for living on less with a family of 6, a choice she and her husband made so that they can have more time together as a family while their children are young. 

We're a family o' 3, and our income is pretty average, but I'm still finding a lot of tips I can use.  More than that, it's helping me rethink my relationship with money.

I'm of the belief that if you've got $40 in the bank, you've got $40 to spend.  (My hardworking husband loves that about me...)  When it comes to money, I don't think about the future.  I live in the now.  I've written before that I'm cheap.  But that's mainly because I enjoy the thrill of finding a good deal--and getting a deal means there's money left over for more buying!

I'm not proud of this.  My fiscal flagrancy prevents us from having a nice chunk o' savings for unanticipated expenses.  We don't have credit cards by choice, so if something comes up and we don't have the money for it, we scramble around trying to find a solution.

And to be honest, I'm okay with that.  That's life, says I.  The future will take care of itself.  And retirement?  We all know that we can rely on the government for that, right?  Right?!


It's been on my mind lately, but The Peaceful Mom's blog series is really bringing home the point that I need to make some changes.  In my mindset, most of all. 

I already do some of the money-saving tips in the series.  I have a realistic budget.  I grocery shop on the same day each week.  I plan our weekly menu based on what's on sale that week.  I "price match" other stores' sales at Walmart.  I use coupons when I find them.  I buy generic when the quality is comparable.  I do highlights at home, and I forgo other salon services.  I buy most of our clothes at consignment stores.  I cook and bake from scratch most of the time.  I do Netflix instead of cable or movies out.  I do the library instead of the bookstore.  I drink coffee from home (or even better, I bum it off of Shrinky Dink). 

But if I've got $40, that moolah is getting spent, y'all.  I don't put the money I "save" into savings.  I use it for going out to eat.  Or for some new makeup that will probably fossilize in my makeup bag before I use it 5 times.  Or for something fun to do for Nature Boy and a friend. 

I am not a saver.

And I know that's not fair to Tree Guy.  He works full time as a forester with the electric company, and he has a side job as a landscaper.  He's working two jobs!  I do a lot to get more for our money, but what is that worth when I don't actually save the surplus?         

The Peaceful Mom recommends adding up all the non-monthly expenses that come up during the year (car maintenance, vaccinations and exams for the dogs, Christmas and birthday gifts, clothing and shoes, etc.) and dividing that number by 12 months.  She suggests that families put that amount into a separate checking account each month, so the money is available when those expenses come up.  The goal is to "pay" the non-monthly expenses account just like any other bill.  That way saving isn't an afterthought.  It's budgeted in. 

It's a great idea.  It's not exactly saving for retirement, but it's a huge step in the right direction.   

What's your money style?  Do you have a savings system?