* It's only been 4 days, and I miss him already.
* He's also visiting his bald, red-bearded, punk rock-drumming, iron-working Uncle Jake.
* This is Uncle Jake and his life partner, Joaquin.
* Just kidding. I don't know who that other guy is.
* Nature Boy and Uncle Jake made a copper crown this weekend.
* Which will pair nicely with the copper Mother's Day tiara that Nature Boy made for me.
* My mom and her dog-like cat, Morgan, are bunking with us for the summer.
* I get my tell-it-like-it-is-ness from my mom. And my eyelashes from my dad.
* My parents divorced when I was one.
* My dad wears kilts and plays the electric guitar.
* He's coming to visit us for the 4th of July.
* I'm betting at least one kilt will be in evidence.
* My dad has not met Tank yet.
* Tank's sensitive boxer belly can't tolerate the richness of high-falutin', grain-free dog food.
* Neither can our nostrils. (P. U.)
* I have a thing for nostrils.
* It's not a weird fetish thing. I just notice them. Good nostrils can "make" an otherwise so-so face.
* I like my left nostril better than my right nostril.
* My left nostril has exotic flare.
* When people take my picture (crazed blog fans, the paparazzi, etc.) I actually tilt my face to the right to highlight my left nostril.
* My best friend, Shrinky Dink, and her girls have tiny little nostrils. I don't know how they manage the exchange of air.
* There's a guy at our church with freakishly large nostrils. They are quite distracting, really.
* Nature Boy calls him "Giant Nostril Guy".
* My mom calls people with big nostrils "Nostrildamus".
* Nostril-gazing is a family trait, apparently.
* Tree Guy does not share my fascination with nostrils.
* He is, however, obsessed with all things war. War documentaries. War movies. Sniper TV shows. War computer games. Airsoft war.
* Tree Guy wanted to join the military after school, but he couldn't because of flat feet and asthma.
* I never even considered joining the military. I like to be the boss of myself.
* Plus, I'm pretty sure the military has some sort of ass-width maximum.
* I'm having sinus surgery on Wednesday.
* Both of my parents have had the same surgery.
* I have been assured that my nostrils will not be altered during the course of this surgery.
* I did "jokingly" ask the surgeon to shave down the slightly bulbous evidence of my Jewish heritage while he was in there.
* I think my "joke" made him a little uncomfortable, like I was trying to get him to commit insurance fraud by giving me a nose job and calling it sinus surgery.
* I would never ask anyone to commit insurance fraud!
* But I'd take the less bulbous schnoz and not ask any questions.
* Shrinky Dink offered to drive me to my sinus surgery so Tree Guy doesn't have to miss work.
* But then she remembered she has a meeting that day, so she flaked out.
* I still don't know how I'm getting to the hospital.
* I'm nervous about the anesthesia since the whole waking-up-paralyzed-thing happened in 2004.
* I'm fairly certain that I overuse hyphens.
* I went to church with Shrinky Dink and her girls today.
* Shrinky Dink's church gives away garden-fresh produce.
* After church, I bought us all drinks at the gas station.
* I paid for the drinks with a cucumber.
* This may or may not be the cucumber I bought the drinks with.