June 24, 2012

Sunday stream of consciousness

* Nature Boy is spending 12 days in Texas with my husband's parents.
* It's only been 4 days, and I miss him already.
* He's also visiting his bald, red-bearded, punk rock-drumming, iron-working Uncle Jake.
* This is Uncle Jake and his life partner, Joaquin.
* Just kidding. I don't know who that other guy is.

* Nature Boy and Uncle Jake made a copper crown this weekend.
* Which will pair nicely with the copper Mother's Day tiara that Nature Boy made for me.

* My mom and her dog-like cat, Morgan, are bunking with us for the summer. 
* I get my tell-it-like-it-is-ness from my mom.  And my eyelashes from my dad.
* My parents divorced when I was one.
* My dad wears kilts and plays the electric guitar.
* He's coming to visit us for the 4th of July.
* I'm betting at least one kilt will be in evidence.
* My dad has not met Tank yet.

* Tank's sensitive boxer belly can't tolerate the richness of high-falutin', grain-free dog food.
* Neither can our nostrils.  (P. U.)

* I have a thing for nostrils.
* It's not a weird fetish thing.  I just notice them.  Good nostrils can "make" an otherwise so-so face.
* I like my left nostril better than my right nostril.
* My left nostril has exotic flare.
* When people take my picture (crazed blog fans, the paparazzi, etc.) I actually tilt my face to the right to highlight my left nostril.

* My best friend, Shrinky Dink, and her girls have tiny little nostrils.  I don't know how they manage the exchange of air.
* There's a guy at our church with freakishly large nostrils.  They are quite distracting, really. 
* Nature Boy calls him "Giant Nostril Guy".
* My mom calls people with big nostrils "Nostrildamus".
* Nostril-gazing is a family trait, apparently.

* Tree Guy does not share my fascination with nostrils.
* He is, however, obsessed with all things war.  War documentaries.  War movies.  Sniper TV shows.  War computer games.  Airsoft war. 
* Tree Guy wanted to join the military after school, but he couldn't because of flat feet and asthma.
* I never even considered joining the military.  I like to be the boss of myself.
* Plus, I'm pretty sure the military has some sort of ass-width maximum.

* I'm having sinus surgery on Wednesday.
* Both of my parents have had the same surgery.
* I have been assured that my nostrils will not be altered during the course of this surgery.
* I did "jokingly" ask the surgeon to shave down the slightly bulbous evidence of my Jewish heritage while he was in there. 
* I think my "joke" made him a little uncomfortable, like I was trying to get him to commit insurance fraud by giving me a nose job and calling it sinus surgery.
* I would never ask anyone to commit insurance fraud! 
* But I'd take the less bulbous schnoz and not ask any questions.

* Shrinky Dink offered to drive me to my sinus surgery so Tree Guy doesn't have to miss work.
* But then she remembered she has a meeting that day, so she flaked out.
* I still don't know how I'm getting to the hospital.
* I'm nervous about the anesthesia since the whole waking-up-paralyzed-thing happened in 2004.

* I'm fairly certain that I overuse hyphens.

* I went to church with Shrinky Dink and her girls today.
* Shrinky Dink's church gives away garden-fresh produce.
* After church, I bought us all drinks at the gas station.
* I paid for the drinks with a cucumber.
* This may or may not be the cucumber I bought the drinks with.


  1. I have been offline due to roof leak. Somehow, i think that's relevant to this -- I laughed out loud several times with this stream of consciousness post. I am goign to read it again... I just read it again. And laughed again. I love this.

  2. Awww, thank you so much, my most faithful commentor! <3

  3. I totally lost my train of thought with that cucumber at the end. LMAO

  4. I"m back on line and checked to see what awesomeness you've written. I reread this post. I love the line about Joaquin. Thanks for yet another laugh. I look forward to pictures of a man in a kilt with guitar in the next couple of weeks (: