You're at the grocery store and a teenage steam punk/emo/scene/whateverthehell bumps into you and then has the nerve to say, "Watch it, old lady." Or you're at the skating rink with your kids when you see a little rink-hag totally cheating at the Red Light/Green Light game by moving forward 5 feet after every other kid has stopped. She gets away with it every time and wins, of course, because her big brother is the DJ, and no one makes a fuss because the prize is just a stupid plastic bead necklace of which you have 20 at home from that crazy trip to Marti Gras in college. Or you're at
I'll give the moms of toddlers and (because I'm feeling generous and, okay, I had a fit-throwing, head-butting preschooler myself) preschoolers a free pass. These little ones may be infuriating at times, but they don't have the impulse control or the maturity to do better. And I'm not talking about garden-variety, normal kid misbehavior either: sneaking candy, eye rolling, no-I-don't-have-any-homework, occasional smart-mouthed comebacks, I-didn't-do-it-maybe-it-was-my-sister kind of behavior. I'm talking about kids of the age of reason who know they are breaking the rules and don't give a crap because the rules don't apply to them, what they want takes precedence over the rights of everyone else, and everyone knows that grown-ups are too stupid to figure out what they did anyway.
I think allowing these behaviors, writing them off as oh, they're just being kids, is a good recipe for cooking up an entitled, narcissistic adult.
Here's some food for thought. Imagine being at work when a coworker comes up to you and says, "You're a stupid, ugly loser and no one likes you, " and then pushes you down on the floor. You'd go to your boss and complain, right? (Unless you have your crazy papers like I do, in which case all bets are off.) Imagine your boss responding, "Oh, that's just how coworkers are sometimes. You've got to let it go. Do you have any brothers? No? Ah, well then you must just be overly sensitive to rough housing." The end. Doesn't that sound crazy? Is there any justice in that?
Kids have to deal with this kind of thing all the time. We would never tolerate attacks from other adults. But kid bullies are tolerated because it's just the way kids are. Being bullied is a rite of passage. Bullied kids are just being too sensitive/wimpy/reactive. Blah blah blah.
Or.
Could it possibly be that tolerating bullying among children is one of the last vestiges of the time in history when children weren't so precious? Do children have full legal rights (including the right to live free of violence), or do they only earn those rights when they reach the age of 18? Is it okay that kids have to deal with behaviors that we, as adults, would never stand for among our peers? And if it is, why? Because the sink-or-swim approach just works so wonderfully for children? Because we had to deal with it, so by God, they do too? Because they need to be toughened up for the real world of adulthood? (You know, the one in which we don't stand for verbal or physical abuse.)
Let me know what you think.
Trust me, you're sooooooooooooo not the only person out there that wants to take a kid out back and give them a crack with a wooden spoon or willow branch. I brought my kids up with respect, not just for those who deserve it, but to people in general. So many kids walk around with this sense of entitlement, and it makes me feel "mom awesomo" whenever she sees them and says, "what makes them so special".
ReplyDeleteI really love it when she tells people I used to beat her. They chuckle and she gets serious and says "I'm not joking, we had a paddle. She painted it green and purple and put glitter all over it. That glitter came off on my butt sometimes".
My oldest remembers me as Mommy Dearest, should have never let her see that movie, but if she tries to tell people that, I just bust out a wire hanger. LOL.
Parents need to get a grip on their children. They don't have to beat em like I did, but some damn punishment would be nice.
Ty's comment, at about age 6, when he saw kids acting like that..."If I EVER get like that, ground me quick. Eesh."
ReplyDeleteOh girl you know how much the bullying issue hits home with me. I have experienced it firsthand. It becomes an all bets off,wanna go beat some mamma's ass because she is too lazy to teach her kid how to be kind,respectful and a decent human being.
ReplyDelete! I think personally it all begins at home. We have a little Ithinkiambetterthananyoneandeveryone and I can tell u whatever I want,say what I want,do what I want and my parents think I am the beesnees,foshizzle do no wrong that lives across the street. Let me tell you I would rather poke my eyes out with hot pokers than deal with him or his father! This kid plays the I'm sweet,aren't I cute,quiet to adults so i have fooled you. But he is a bully,plain and simple. He waits till he is on the bus,around his peers,away from his parents basically as well as other adults and you see the real kid. Now let me say this,his father,who is a complete and utter redneck hoosier(works construction for the builder that built our homes,because no one else could figure out how such hoosier got here lol) comes flying in the neighborhood in his big ole grandaddy pickup,blaring some Conway Twitty, Kenny Rogers,whips into his driveway,gets out with 12-24 pk of BEER in hand. He immediately goes into garage,opens a beer,guzzles in .002,throws in trash can and u can gear the clanging of cans from yesterdays previous stash. He then opens another and has another in the other free hand before walking inside. This is literally every single day,like clockwork. Anywho,back to the topic,just wanted to give u an idea of the type of family. When we have approached the family or dad because mom is too afraid to speak,total wife beaten syndrome,he laughs and tells us under no certain terms is my son or would my son do that. He then says ur son is a pussy,toughen him up. Nice,isn't it?!
I think nowadays too many parents are ignoring their children,unaware of what is happening in their lives to even he aware of if bullying were going on. Having so many kids,one in each level of school from college to elementary I have seen it first hand. I also believe our upper administration in the schools are ALLOWING IT. Watched a principal allow a 210 lb 7th grader constantly pick,beat up physically a 78lb 7th grader and the principal wouldn't do a thing other than warn Mr.Thug. why? Because mom died,dad was in jail for attempted murder and Mr.Thug has had a rough life and I have to give him a chance..... All the while Mr. Thug walks around wanting to be called "Ace"bragging he is going to be just like his daddy! Yea great isn't it.. Sorry to ramble,not even sure I answered your post but this subject is something I could write a book on and i am passionate as hell about. I have told my kids God help them if I have ever heard they have bullied anyone or been disrespectful to an adult.
I think our society gets things SO backwards with kids..
ReplyDeleteKids are babied and coddled and turn into whiny brats who don't want to work for anything. They should be paid to breathe!
or
Kids that need extra support are told to toughen up, the real world isn't an easy place..grow some balls!
No middle ground!