November 18, 2011

Fit 'n' Fluffy: a business model

Dancing in front of my bedroom mirror to 80s music was my favorite form of exercise as a teenager.  My adolescent vanity demanded that I have an audience, even if that audience consisted of only myself.  (If a teenage girl does the Running Man and no one's there to watch, does she still put on a good show?)

Twenty years and 60 pounds later, in front of a mirror is the LAST place I want to be when it's time to get my groove on.  Not that I happen upon many occasions to cut a rug.  I'm just saying that when I do, I find that no audience is the best audience.

I've never really felt comfortable dancing in front of other people.  If I was really as cool as I like to think I am, I wouldn't care about looking stupid.  I'd clear the floor and drop my big butt down into a Tootsie Roll.  Or get all punky and dance like Molly Ringwald in The Breakfast Club.  As it is, I can't even do a watered down version of The Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.  My moves are not for public consumption.

But I wish that wasn't the case.

So I submit that what the world needs now is a dance class for big chicks.  No chicken littles allowed.  And if all that boogieing down leads to massive weight loss, the newly-skinny chicks get kicked to the curb.  (Sorry, lil'uns.  Them's the breaks.)  That way, curvy girls could attend a fun fitness class without feeling judged or the need to compare.  We'd all have wobbly bits on display.  Kinda like at a nudist colony, only we'd be strictly genital-free.  (Well, members could bring their genitals, but they'd have to store them securely in the overhead bins.)

Our dance room would have mirrors, but only the skinny kind you find in a fun house at the circus.  The AC would be blasting at all times because we big girls need some help in the temperature regulation department.  No windows, because we don't want to attract chubby chasers.  There would be cute and comfy plus-size dancewear on sale up front.  We'd have a nice big pool to cool off in after class where we could wear our skirted swimsuits in peace.  Finally, there would be roomy private showers.  And each shower would be connected to a private dressing area, because don't nobody need to see that much ass in one day.  Not even us.

So who's with me?! 


  1. This makes me wish I was a comfy plus size. It sounds like tremendous fun. I'm with ya!

  2. I'm in!
    I don't have junk in my trunk..I have junk in my U-haul.

  3. I've read this twice and laughed out loud both times -- so it wasn't just the surprise factor. You rock.

  4. Too, too funny! You are a riot! :-)

  5. You're hilarious! Though I'm hurt that you're leaving us skinny flat-chested people out. Too bad I can't workout my way into nice curves. When I've been heavier, I'm still not curvy in the right places.