May 17, 2012

Farts: a compendium

In an effort to encourage Nature Boy to write more often, I gave him carte blanche when it comes to topics.  Because he is my son, he chose to write A Compendium of Farts.  Enjoy!

A Compendium of Farts

By Nature Boy

The Old Man Fart - an unacknowledged fart that just slips out
Silent but Deadly - quiet as a mouse; stinky as a toilet
The Stalker - follows you around everywhere you go
Taco Butt Fart - burns more coming out than it did going in
Train Fart - the never ending fart
The Workout Fart - lift a heavy weight & your breath isn't all that comes out
The Part - you mean to fart, but a little poop comes out
The Fart Blender - when several people in the same room fart
The Baby Fart - a tiny little squeak fart
The MAN Fart - a big explosion that really stinks; smells like meat
The Relationship Ender - happens at a key romantic moment in a public place; she will be so embarrassed that she breaks it off
The Squeaker - a tiny little mouse fart; higher pitched than the Baby Fart
The Movie Interrupter - occurs in movie theaters; smells so bad you have to take a raincheck on the movie
Knockout Fart - makes you want to pass out to escape the stink
The British Fart - a polite little fart
The Dog Fart - like Silent but Deadlies, but much stinkier
The Waker-Upper - an abrupt fart that wakes you from slumber
Musical Farts - when a family of farters takes turns farting in their chairs; closely related to The Fart Blender
The Ostrich - no matter how deep you bury your head in the sand, you can still smell it
The Ancient Fart - a fart before bed that is forgotten until it resurfaces in the morning when the covers are removed


  1. Excellent. Impressive use of vocabulary. More impressive -- making farts funny to me. The one I liked most -- The British Fart. And who says homeschooled kids don't understand the nuances of social interaction? I would like to request an Internationl Compendium of Farts for his next installment. Excellent (: --Mama (with a gliche google acct. that won't let me post as anything but anonymous)

  2. Thank you for that shining (unschooly) review! A fart dictionary as proof that a child comprehends social nuance. I love it!!!!

    And since we make it a point to study other cultures, an International Compendium of Farts is the logical next step. Do you have any suggestions?

  3. the top of my head... I think it would be fun to research historical heads of state and make their farts mach their personalities (:

    only had a minute and now i've taken 1.24 minutes, so I'm off.

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