April 26, 2012

Signed, the pet police

I don't think I've ever gone off on irresponsible pet owners on this blog.  Which is surprising, really, as neglectful owners are a major "pet" peeve of mine.  (Har har.)

I own up to the fact that I am a long-time member of the Pet PoPo.  I have strong opinions about what responsible pet ownership is, and it shouldn't surprise you that I share these opinions when need be.

Which doesn't exactly win me friends now that I live "out in the country".

But I don't think I'm really that hard to please.  While it's true that my Labrador mix has had acupuncture, and ate home cooked chicken and rice with fresh chopped parsley from the garden and plain yogurt with flax seed meal and scoops of Balance IT doggie vitamin powder mixed in for 4 months last year to help her heal from a mystery illness, I don't think my standards are too high.

I've been laughed at for my canine cuisine, and Tree Guy complained that our dog was eating better than he was, but I believe I just did what any dog mama worth her salt would do in my situation. 

Right?!  Right.

So, surely you understand my frustration with pet owners who slack.  People who don't provide regular vet care, who don't spay and neuter, who don't let their dogs and cats inside the house, who don't bother to put identification on a pet's collar.  WHO DON'T BOTHER LOOKING FOR THEIR PETS WHEN THEY GO MISSING!!!

My first year as a suburban transplant has taught me that there's a distinct difference between country folks and suburban folks when it comes to lost pets. 

City folks are all, "$$$REWARD!$$$  Help us find our little smoochie poo!  She's on Royal Jelly and homeopathic treatments for her anxiety and she needs her meds or she will have a nervous breakdown and have to go to Betty Ford again!"

Country folks, on the other hand, are all, "...(crickets chirping)..."


And if, by some miracle, the (saint of a) dog rescuer does happen to reunite a country dog with its owner, the response she gets is something along the lines of, "If you would have left him alone, he would have come back home after a few days.  He always does."  Like their dog was KIDNAPPED FROM THEIR YARD OR SOMETHING!

To that I say, you're welcome, muthafu*^%rDon't make me sick Bob Barker on you!  (Surely you saw the Bob Barker beatdown in Happy Gilmore.  Bob is all about responsible pet ownership.)  

Anyhoo, check this little guy out.  We found him roaming our neighborhood 4 days ago.  With a collar, but no tags.

Shrinky Dink's keeping him at her house for now.  I've been calling shelters, posting ads, and searching for lost dog postings online and in person for 3 days now.  With nary a response. 

He's a friendly little dog.  Likes kids.  Not a barker or a digger.  Not a fan of Shrinky Dink's boundary-ignoring husky/pit mix, Balto (which is kind of understandable...), but still.  He's a good dog.  And no one is looking for him?!  His owner can't be bothered to put up a flyer or call the city shelter or post on Craigslist?

We are now assuming that he was dumped, so we're trying to find him a new home.  With an owner who values him enough to actually seek him out.

(Why do people think dumped dogs fare better out in the country anyway?  Don't they know there's coyotes in them thar hills?)   

Sigh.   (Stepping down off my soapbox now.)


  1. Here's my pet pet peeve: people who ignore leash laws. I don't care how well trained your dog is, if you are somewhere where a leash is required, they need to be on one.

    1. Exactly, Shell! Just follow the rules, people! They exist for a reason. (Most of the time.)

      It's also annoying when people with attitudinal dogs bring them to the dog park. And even more annoying when they don't LEAVE after their attitudinal dog goes after 2 or 3 dogs.

  2. Firstly, let me make sure I say that I literally laughed out loud while reading the "city folks" lost dog signage. Royal Jelly!!!!!!!! Holy F*88 that is FUNNY. Maybe I've just had too serious of a day. But I do thikn that is HILARIOUS>

    I hear Shell on the leash thing. I have a GIANT breed dog (Leonberger -- look it up. So cute.) He is the sweetest dog ever (as it will clearly state everywhere you look). There is a Cockapoo in our neighborhood that is .06 his size (about 25 pounds, I would say). This f-ing cockapoo is never on a leash. Has snapped at my daugther twice. And, get this, runs up to my ON LEASH dog bites my GIANT dog EVERY FREAKING TIME they see each other. EVERY TIME. What does my "I could eat you and think I might have swallowed a bug" dog do? Nothing. I sometimes wish he would go all KUJO on that off-leash mothaf-ing cockapoo and hit his jugular and spray his owner all up in her face and she would scream and scream and... Well, I guess I don't wish that. But, hell. I wish my dog would do something sometimes -- but usually I'm just glad that he's so sweet and gentle.


    I hope you find a good home for your found poochie.
    I lived in teh country where putting a pitbull mix on a dirt heap with a heavy chain connected to a tire filled with cement was "habitable." Terrible.

    Happy Gilmore v. Bob Barker. Man, I love that. THANKS!

    1. Yeah, I'd pick Royal Jelly over dirt heap any day.

      Awwww, I wanna see a pic of your giant lion of a dog! The pics online are super cute! How'd you decide on the breed?

      Our big boxer, Tank, just ignores that kind of stuff too. He's so laid back that when Shrinky Dink's husky/pit mix jumps him, he just turns his head to the side and stands there. Awww!

    2. We used to be mutt's only people...then that changed and that's another story. So, when we were looking for a "fullbreed" dog, we generally screwed around on the internet taking every "what's the best dog" for you quiz (like Teen Beat Love Quizzes for Adult Couples). Generally, but not always, we were "retriever" people. But each and every quiz came up the breed "Leonberger" -- which, being long standing dog people, we were surprised that we had no idea what that was. When it happened for like the 8th time AND there was a picture of said mystery breed, we started looking into them.

      When we found that, unlike other breeds that had some qualifications on gentle behavior, Leonbergers are characterized as being absolutely non-aggressive to the point of harm to themselves, we were hooked. A great big ol' dog --which we love. A great big ol' dog with a giant bark to generally scare the bajeezus out of nefarious folks skulking around (unless they're dog experts --then they'll rob us and leave the cocakpoo's residence untouched.) A great big ol' dog that we never have to worry about hurting any of our children or their friends. Sold!

      By the way, due to your wise words, I got on the stick and bought an ID tag for miss puggy. And a new shiny one for Ike. And some royal jelly.

      And, in ALL seriousness, can you please give me the recipe for the mystery illness food. Both pooches seem to have continuously upset stomachs.