Aw. Hair. No.

If you've been around awhile, you are probably aware that I have an ambivalent relationship with hairstylists.

On the one hand, I am in awe of their skill.  They are wielders of transformative follicular power.  They can make or break a look.

On the other hand, the stylists we see mess up far too often.  It's usually not a skill issue; it's a listening problem. 

While I am iffy about stylists for myself, I have lost all faith in hairdressers when it comes to Nature Boy's hair.  I've tried giving at-length descriptions, bringing photos, pointing to the exact length he wants, hovering, clarifying over and over like the OCD sufferer I am--and none of it works.  They all just do whatever the heck they want anyway. 

Which means every time he gets a professional haircut, Nature Boy ends up with a shortish layered cut and/or Mo bangs. 

I've been cutting his hair myself for almost a year because I'm the only person who doesn't chop it all off.  I do a pretty good job, but the boy has a lot of hair.  Eventually I lose the line of the cut, or he needs a little thinning out, and I don't know how to get it back on track.  So we go to a professional.

And it's always a mistake.

Nature Boy with Shrinky Dink's daughter.
(This is his normal hair length.)



I discovered last week that my long-time stylist, Doris (yes, Doris), moved to another state.  Yikes.  She was a good listener.  A no-frills, get 'er done kind of hairdresser.  My bad haircuts only happened when I went to someone else because Doris was booked.  I'll miss her.

I spent some time yesterday looking at online reviews for local hair salons, and I found a new one to try.  There were a lot of Likes on the salon's Facebook page, and the stylists looked cute and vibrant in their profile pictures.  So I made an appointment and hoped for the best.  I let Nature Boy be the guinea pig.  I selflessly let Nature Boy go first, because he was the most in need of a trim.  (The kid was in danger of inhaling his bangs.  He could snack on them with a flip of his head.)

Thanks to the recommendations of Erin over at Oh Honestly Erin, I was armed with some photos of Zac Efron's hair.  We explained to the stylist that Nature Boy has had several bad experiences with getting all his hair chopped off by hairstylists.  We told her he likes his hair long, but that he needed some shaping.  I gave her two pictures, explaining that Nature Boy wanted the sides and back of the first picture, with the longer bangs of the second one.  I told her we don't want short layers on top because of crazy cowlicks.  She assured us that most of the layering would be at the bottom...

And this is what he got.  (Sorry for the crappy photo quality.  As mad as he was about the haircut, I was just lucky to get a picture at all!)

The Nostril Flare of Pique

It's too short up front and--it's layered all over!  (Elton John would love this haircut.)

Today was all about damage control.  I shorted the sides a bit to reduce the squareness and layered them some to get rid of the poofiness.  And then I funkified it with bleach.  Because the whack job haircut also removed all of Nature Boy's natural summer highlights.  (&^$%$%!)  And in Nature Boy's words, "If I have to have a sucky haircut, I want to make it as funky as possible with highlights." 

Here is the "after-after".  It's cuter since I fixed it, but it's still not what he wanted.

And speaking of whack jobs, bad hairstylists make me wish I had mob connections.

Confession: I'm cheap. And clothing-clueless.

I am all about a great deal.  Especially when it comes to clothes and shoes. 

I found a new sleeveless black dress with tiny white polka dots for $7, count 'em, SEVEN dollars last week.

I go sleeveless in tanks in the summer because it's hot, but I prefer to cover my man-arms in cooler weather.  So I went searching the clearance racks for shrugs yesterday. 

(Nature Boy absolutely LOVES when I go shopping during the day.  He is my homeschool hostage!!!!  MWA-HA-HA!)

I found a teal shrug for $2 at a plus size consignment store that I've been wanting to check out.  TWO DOLLARS, people!

I'm so proud.

My mom says teal doesn't go with black and white polka dots.  I saw pshaw!  Who's with me?!

However, pairing the dress with an unconventional color is presenting me with a shoe dilemma.  I have a chunky black pair of Mary Janes, but since my calves are similarly chunky, I don't think they'd work with a dress.  I also have a sexy pair of black Crocs, but somehow I think that pairing would be unwise.  And I don't really want another pair of black shoes.

So I searched all the cheap-folk aisles at several stores until I found these.

 (cue angelic music)

They have memory foam inside!  (OOOH!)

And they're on sale for $27.99!  (AHHH!)

Wait a minute.  $27.99 does not mean "deal" in my vernacular.  (C-H-E-A-P.)

So wise women, weigh in on my kicks conundrum.  Is it crazy to spend $27.99 on shoes to go with a $9 outfit? 

Or is it genius?
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P.S.  I'm having an OCD moment.  Do teal shades have to match?   

mY BeeF WITh TEXT!Ng

Once upon a time, I had the perfect little texting phone.  Ergonomic.  Convenient.  All the buttons were in the most obvious places.  I didn't have to push 48345345 different things to type a simple sentence with correct grammar and punctuation.

And correct grammar and punctuation is very important to me.

Even though I used improper sentence structure by starting that last sentence with a conjunction, and there is a subject/verb agreement error.

And that last sentence is a fragment.

DANGIT!

Neurotic Moment: Correct grammar and punctuation are very important to me when texting or writing.  Blogging is different.  It is more conversational.  My blog "voice" is the same as my speaking voice.  And sometimes I speak in fragments.  <-- Or use improper sentence structure.

Anyhoo, suffice it to say that my relationship with my previous cell phone was a beautiful one.  When it wore out, I went to the US Cellular store to replace it with the same model.

Like all good products, my beloved LG Mystique was discontinued.

RIP LG Mystique

 

(I would insert a picture here, but stupid Blogger is having server problems.)
 

When I discovered that it was time to move on to a new cell phone relationship, my cheap ass headed over to the free phones with contract.  There were all of two.  And one was a touch screen. 

 

Touch screens give me an eye twitch.  I don't have the patience for pushing the same letter over and over before the phone recognizes that my fat, stubby fingers are trying to type the letter P. 

 

So I got the "old school" Blackberry-esque free phone.  And it sucks.

 

It's a Samsung.  And therein lies the first problem.  Switching phones isn't as big of a deal if you stay with the same phone manufacturer.  For the most part, all the major functions are laid out the same on each phone the company makes.  Had I switched to another LG (alas, not free), I most likely wouldn't be nearing a cell phone meltdown right now. 

 

And I am.

 

Nearing a cell phone meltdown, I mean.

 

I'll intend to text, "Hey, I found some shoes on clearance for $14!"

 

And it will end up being, "HEY' I FOUND SOME SHOES ON CLEARANCE FOR YED?"

 

Or I'll start a new text message by pressing the letters of the contact I want to text.  But the Samsung Freeform defaults with the number and symbol function in the address line, not letters for contact names.  (Unlike my old LG.)  So instead of Shrinky Dink, I'll send the text to -@2~; 4-';.

 

Yeah.

 

I spend as much time erasing text and fixing grammar and punctuation as I do actually communicating in words.

 

Clearly something is not working here.

 

My options are to come up off some money and buy an LG phone (if they even MAKE non-touch screen phones any more!*) or just give up on being a grammar snob while texting.

I think my cheapness overrides my grammar snobbery in this instance.  At least for now. 

Hear ye!  Hear ye!  I hereby proclaim that while I have this phone, my texts will likely be in lowercase letters and will have no discernible punctuation.  (Gee. I hope I won't lose any of my grammar snob friends over this.)

 

I'm sorry this post was not profound.  Or funny.  Or informative.  Or relevant.

 

Goat dingleberries.

 

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*The US Cellular guy told me most phone companies are phasing out all their button phones.  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!