mY BeeF WITh TEXT!Ng

Once upon a time, I had the perfect little texting phone.  Ergonomic.  Convenient.  All the buttons were in the most obvious places.  I didn't have to push 48345345 different things to type a simple sentence with correct grammar and punctuation.

And correct grammar and punctuation is very important to me.

Even though I used improper sentence structure by starting that last sentence with a conjunction, and there is a subject/verb agreement error.

And that last sentence is a fragment.

DANGIT!

Neurotic Moment: Correct grammar and punctuation are very important to me when texting or writing.  Blogging is different.  It is more conversational.  My blog "voice" is the same as my speaking voice.  And sometimes I speak in fragments.  <-- Or use improper sentence structure.

Anyhoo, suffice it to say that my relationship with my previous cell phone was a beautiful one.  When it wore out, I went to the US Cellular store to replace it with the same model.

Like all good products, my beloved LG Mystique was discontinued.

RIP LG Mystique

 

(I would insert a picture here, but stupid Blogger is having server problems.)
 

When I discovered that it was time to move on to a new cell phone relationship, my cheap ass headed over to the free phones with contract.  There were all of two.  And one was a touch screen. 

 

Touch screens give me an eye twitch.  I don't have the patience for pushing the same letter over and over before the phone recognizes that my fat, stubby fingers are trying to type the letter P. 

 

So I got the "old school" Blackberry-esque free phone.  And it sucks.

 

It's a Samsung.  And therein lies the first problem.  Switching phones isn't as big of a deal if you stay with the same phone manufacturer.  For the most part, all the major functions are laid out the same on each phone the company makes.  Had I switched to another LG (alas, not free), I most likely wouldn't be nearing a cell phone meltdown right now. 

 

And I am.

 

Nearing a cell phone meltdown, I mean.

 

I'll intend to text, "Hey, I found some shoes on clearance for $14!"

 

And it will end up being, "HEY' I FOUND SOME SHOES ON CLEARANCE FOR YED?"

 

Or I'll start a new text message by pressing the letters of the contact I want to text.  But the Samsung Freeform defaults with the number and symbol function in the address line, not letters for contact names.  (Unlike my old LG.)  So instead of Shrinky Dink, I'll send the text to -@2~; 4-';.

 

Yeah.

 

I spend as much time erasing text and fixing grammar and punctuation as I do actually communicating in words.

 

Clearly something is not working here.

 

My options are to come up off some money and buy an LG phone (if they even MAKE non-touch screen phones any more!*) or just give up on being a grammar snob while texting.

I think my cheapness overrides my grammar snobbery in this instance.  At least for now. 

Hear ye!  Hear ye!  I hereby proclaim that while I have this phone, my texts will likely be in lowercase letters and will have no discernible punctuation.  (Gee. I hope I won't lose any of my grammar snob friends over this.)

 

I'm sorry this post was not profound.  Or funny.  Or informative.  Or relevant.

 

Goat dingleberries.

 

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*The US Cellular guy told me most phone companies are phasing out all their button phones.  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!