1. I'd have punched a lady out. For real. (She's bigger than me, but the force of my fury would have more than made up for my relative diminutiveness.)
2. I'd have gone all Denzel Washington from John Q on our vet's ass.
3. I'd have hired some street thugs to get the $600 back that I loaned someone 9 weeks ago to "get them through the weekend."
4. I'd be camped out on our electrician's couch right now. (He fixed our breaker box and broke our AC.)
5. I'd have cleaned out the chocolate aisle at Walmart AND paid with a hot check.
And y'all would be holding a "Bail Danielle Out of Jail" fundraiser. Just in case I do go off, here's a poster for publicity purposes.
Click to enlarge.