If you're like me, stuff gets on your nerves a lot. So I've compiled a Top 10 List of the most annoying things people do. Because I'm such a gracious blog hostess, I illustrated each one using examples from my life. That's a lot of drawerings, y'all, so I'll have to list them in two installments. (Click pictures to enlarge.)
10. Letting their dogs roam the neighborhood.
This just happened yesterday. We live a few houses down from an antisocial young family with a stinky, mangy, um, unaltered bulldog. This bulldog somehow frequently manages to get out of the house without anyone knowing. He then proceeds to sexually harass the female dogs on the street, peeing and pooping indiscriminately on the way. Bolt (his real name) pushed his way into our living room yesterday when my son opened the door to tell me the dog was out again. Bolt is way too interested in our 9-year-old (spayed) female lab mix. Although she responds with, "I will CUT you!", Bolt doesn't seem to want to take no for an answer. To demonstrate his displeasure, he took a dump in my front yard while I was waiting for his owner to come get him.
9. When a crowd of people stops to chat right in front of the exit.
This is a common occurrence. You're in a crowded place and foot traffic is proceeding in an orderly fashion. Suddenly, some idiot decides that he can't walk and talk at the same time so he stops right in the path to the door. Then the flock gathers 'round. Perhaps it's due to my impatient nature, but this peeves me.
8. When people offer their unsolicited opinions about my family size.
Sometimes when we're out in public, people I don't even know ask me if my son is my only one. When I affirm this, they ask if I'm going to have any more children. Why do they need to know this? Is it a clue in a scavenger hunt they're participating in? Are they brushing up on their trivia for a future Jeopardy game? When they ask, I usually feel compelled to explain that I have secondary infertility. I guess I could just say, "Nope." But then I worry that they'll think I'm so disappointed with this parenting go-round that it's soured me to future child-bearing. And my kid is awesome, so I don't want to misrepresent!
Even worse was the time a neighbor told me straight to my face that she thinks having an only child is a horrible thing to do to a child.
She's lucky I'm medicated.
7. Interrupting me when I'm reading.*
Last week I was sitting in the waiting room of the chiropractor's office, happily reading my favorite magazine, Real Simple. A lady sat down next to me and picked up a copy of Hippies R Us Magazine (or some such) and began making noises of interest and revelation over the contents. When I didn't express an interest, she forged ahead anyway and began talking to me about diatomaceous earth. I made noncommittal sounds, avoided eye contact, and hunched further down into my magazine. She persisted. Not only did she persist, she went on tell me that she hadn't taken a shower in three days, she doesn't usually wear flip flops out in public, and her mom used to call cleaning yourself in between showers "taking a bird bath".
6. When doctors treat patients like crap.
I've seen a doctor or two in my day. It's another gift that autoimmunity brings. Most of them are nice, but some of them are buttholes. Some specialists in particular seem to have God complexes. In my experience, it's been gastroenterologists (hee hee, I said buttholes earlier) and psychiatrists. Years ago at the end of an initial appointment with a new psychiatrist, I asked her what her impression was. And I got the response in the drawing above. I was younger then, so I just kept quiet and never went back to her again. If that were to happen at this point in my life, I'd probably respond more like the cartoon me.
And that's it for today, folks. Stay tuned for the second installment!
*YouTube sensation Julian Smith made a hilarious music video about this very topic. Check it out.