I Made Deez

In keeping with my long history of slacker-blogging, the following is a post consisting of a bunch of pictures of stuff I made recently.  I was in an artsy mood there for a few weeks.  Crafting, combined with 8 (LONG) weeks of practices for the musical, Godspell, has me creativity-challenged right now.  Soooo, hopefully you enjoy looking at photos of crap I made!

With the Crapper decorating the wall in our main bathroom, we obviously needed something for the master bath.  So I made this.

Then I busted out my new Cricut machine and made this wall art.

The Cricut machine came with some glass etching goo, so I made some etched initial vases with vinyl stencils I made on the Cricut. 

Everyone needs some giant 'staches for tooling around town.

Then I was all inspired to paint cartoonized portraits of my family!
 

Including the dogs!

And Tree Guy (grudgingly) hung them up in a display for me!

Then I made one for my mom.

Then I made some more signs to decorate our walls.

And then I got into doing initial art, a la Pinterest.  I used fancy linen samples that Nature Boy rescued from a dumpster for me (woohoo!), regular acrylic paint and plastic stencils.

And now I am exhausted! ;p


P.S. Whatsay I open an Etsy shop? And make custom cartoonized portraits of people and pets? Folks could send me a picture via email, and I could paint a small portrait for them for $15 shipped. Would you buy one? Do you think there'd be a demand for it?  What about framed initial art?  Custom birthday raps?  (Just kidding on that last one.)  (Kind of.)

P.S.S. Happy summer, y'all!  I can't wait to go swimming.  To show off my curves in my skirted granny swimsuit with the big floral print.  And a wide-brimmed gardening hat.  Hell, yeah!

The Blogging Blahs

Don't you hate it when bloggers just stop writing and never tell you why and you go through their old posts looking for a possible reason that they stopped writing, but there isn't one, so you think that maybe the blogger died or went off-grid or got stuck in a tornado and is now in Oz?

Me too, people.

I wonder if the Blogging Blahs is an official diagnosis.  It should be.  As a long-time blog reader, I've seen it happen to many a blogger.  One month you're all up in her business, conversatin' in the comments section of her blog, making passive aggressive cartoons about her ex (or maybe that's just me), and looking forward to her next post.  The next month she's just gone.  Totally leaves you hanging.  And you're all, "I bet her asshole ex has her tied up with duct tape in his storage shed.  The lack of wifi is the only thing that would keep her from posting!"  And you're surprised to discover that you really miss her.  Her riffs and rants had become a part of your life.  Like a really dysfunctional daily newspaper.  

So I won't do that to you.

I have the Blogging Blahs.  I admit it.  I remain in awe of the awesome, witty bloggers who can do it every day (like my homie Erin at Oh Honestly, Erin).  Heck, I'm even in awe of people who can post weekly at this point.  I seem to be fresh outta blog inspiration.  Or maybe I'm just really tired.  Maybe it's because I'm anemic or maybe it's due to my vitamin D deficiency.  Crohn's disease affects nutrient absorption, but I don't seem to get the one upside to that (weight loss!).  Maybe it's this %&#*ing neverending fibromyalgia/arthritis flare.  Maybe it's that I'm really loving my life right now (except for the above-mentioned %&#*ing fibromyalgia/arthritis flare) and I'm more into living it than documenting it.  Maybe it's all of that.

I just haven't been feeling very fluent or funny lately.  Plus, that %&#*ing fibromyalgia/arthritis flare is affecting my right thumb.  So typing hurts.  &^%&*%&^!!!!

Tired, cranky me isn't really much fun.  So, when you think about it, by not blogging, I'm actually being kind. I'm being a humanitarian.  (You're totally welcome.)

I'm not depressed though.  I don't want y'all to think that.  Despite my health problems, I've been going to parties and inviting friends over and I just painted Nature Boy's bathroom.  And I've been baking!

Poo Piles

(I was aiming for the "signature swirl" from that DC Cupcakes show here, but I ended up with Poo Piles.)  

 

After the Poo Pile Debacle of 2013, I broke down and bought a cake decorating set with tips and bags and whatnot. The results were so much better!





Oh yeah, aaaaaand Nature Boy and I just got cast in a local production of Godspell!  Woohoo!  We both got principal roles, which was a happy surprise for both of us.  Don't know if you know much about Godspell, but here's a character list if you're interested.  I am playing Peggy and Nature Boy is playing Herb.  We'll be practicing for the next 3 months and the show will be in June.  We are really excited!

I guess I just want y'all to know that I will be in and out as far as blogging goes.  Which is nothing new, really.  But I won't disappear from the blogosphere without telling you first.

Inconsistently yours,
Danielle

P.S.  Today is my husband's birthday!

Monster Cookie Recipe (For Real)

Tree Guy's dad is one of 10 kids.  His parents were/are masters of cooking for a crowd.  Tree Guy remembers going to his grandparents' house in the summer as a kid and getting one of those jumbo ice cream buckets full of Monster Cookies.  It's just one of many happy memories he has of his North Dakotan grandparents.  I've tried to duplicate some of his grandma's results and failed every time.  (Although I have her bread machine now, and I've figured out how to get the loaves just right. Thanks, Grandma!)  The recipe below is a definite win.  Even for me.  


MONSTER COOKIES (Wheat-Free!)
Brought to you by Tree Guy's Norwegian/German grandparents

Ingredients

1/4 lb shortening
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
3 eggs
3/4 lb peanut butter
4 1/2 cups oats
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
chocolate chips, M&Ms, peanuts, shredded coconut, raisins, etc.

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Mix wet and dry ingredients.  Roll into balls and press down onto cookie sheet lined with foil.  [Below is a picture showing you what the cookies look like if you press them down as instructed (because you are a rule follower and probably have a whole gold star sticker collection) and if you don't (because you're a rebel and anyway, this recipe is not the boss of you).  I recommend pressing them down.  They're less crumbly.]

Bake until lightly brown, about 12 minutes.

To make into a cookie "cake",  plop cookie dough onto a round pizza pan lined with foil, and press dough down into a circular shape, about a half inch in thickness.  Bake until lightly brown, about 14 minutes.

Monster Cookies and Humble Pie

So, four score and seven years ago I promised you guys the recipe for Monster Cookies.  And then I totally failed to deliver.  Sorry!  I'll post the recipe right after I post this blog post, I swear!

I've been failing to deliver on le olde blog for a while now, and all I can say in my defense is that it's a side effect of my overall shift to less computer time and more real life time.  I'm such a slacker that I didn't even participate in the yearly blog meme in January about my word of the year.  (Last year it was balance.  This year it's present.)

Most of my computer time is spent on Facebook.  There's a lot of interaction there.  I like having virtual conversations.  Maybe even more than I like having real conversations, because I can just step away from the computer when people get on my nerves I have some important work to do.  I cherish my Facebook friends.  I'm a word girl, but I'm also a bit of an attention whore, so I'm drawn to the instant feedback on Facebook.  In summary, I believe that in a Facebook/Blog smackdown, Facebook would totally kick Blog's ass.

And speaking of ass-kicking, my current fibromyalgia flare is kicking mine.  It's been going on for 6 years weeks!  Enough already!  I've got an audition for Godspell in less than two weeks.  I can't be walking into the audition room like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

And this is a rock opera (whatever than means).  I'm assuming some dancing will be called for.  Not that I have any dancing skills to speak of, but my right thumb is affected by the fibro, so I can't even manage jazz hands right now!  Nature Boy is auditioning too, by the way.  We're all about the opportunity to do a musical together.  It doesn't happen very often.

Cripply and all, I still managed to throw my second swap last Sunday.  The first swap was about spice cake and swapping clothes and accessories.  Nine friends showed up.  It was a great time!  This time I asked my friends to bring a variety of stuff.  Household stuff.  Garden stuff.  Kid stuff.  Books.  Since the swap was on St. Paddy's Day, I had Celtic music in the background, green (vanilla) and yellow (lemon) cupcakes, and leprechaun turds (jelly beans).  Only one friend got pinched for not wearing green.  She pinched me back though, and then flashed me her green undies.  The same friends came to this swap as last time (minus two Ren Faire-in-training folks and one Cuban Homeskool Mafia slacker who didn't even RSVP...).  I donated all the left over stuff the next day.

Ahh.  Friends+cupcakes+decluttering=good times.

Unfortunately, I forgot to take pictures!  Again.  But here's a poster I made for the old guess-how-many-are-in-this-jar-and-win-a-prize game.
  

[Editor's Note:  I totally misspelled the word "leprechaun".  Fock!]

Also, my mom purposely tore down the towel rack in the guest bathroom in a fit of rage because I didn't have her and Nature's Boy's favorite TP on hand (Charmin Sensitive).  Tree Guy repaired the wall, but my crazy fibro thumb made fixing the paint in there before the swap a no-go, so I also hung up this poster.

I have a slight hostess rant to inject here.  I invited 40-odd people to each of my two swaps via Facebook Events, and the vast majority didn't RSVP.  That's annoying, y'all.  I don't mind a "no" at all, but for the love of all that is proper and southern, at least respond to the invite!  Of course it's possible that these friends don't check their Facebook notifications, and I hear a few gave up Facebook for Lent, but I see my Facebook Event invite experience as a microcosm of society at large.  Of the disappearance of social graces in general.  (Not really, y'all.  Actually, I'm just bitter about people not responding to MY invites.  I don't really have a position on other people's invites.  :D )

What do you think?  Am I right to be planning a large-scale cupcake bombing of the no-RSVPing people's houses?  Or is it ridiculous to expect an RSVP to an e-vite in the first place?  21st century problems!

I bet you guys would totally come to a swap party at my house, wouldn't you?!

Whew.  And THAT, dear readers, is what the inside of a bipolar mind sounds like.  Similar to the ADD mind, but with more--feeling.

Up next, MONSTER COOKIES!

   

Holy DNS Settings, Batman!

Techie people, I am in awe of you.  You are modern day Einsteins.  I have no idea what the hell you do, but I am certain that it is amazing. 

I finally decided to spring for a custom domain name for my blog.  It's a shorter name, which makes it easier to give people my blog address.  Now, instead of the really long and probably forgettable www.yeahisaiditblog.blogspot.com, folks can just type in www.yeahisaiditblog.com.  Or for the really lazy/efficient, just yeahisaiditblog.com.  Yay!

It's such a simple thing, right?  WRONG. 

I purchased my domain through Blogger, with the assurance that when you purchase a domain through Blogger (with Google Apps, who partners with GoDaddy or eNom), everything comes configured to work with Google products.  It should all work seamlessly, lied Google.  Tech-clueless me believed it would be that simple. 

And the sneaky Google henchman behind the curtain laughed at my naivete.

For four score and seven years 3 days, I fought valiantly, trying to convince, manipulate, beat, and bribe Blogger to publish to my new domain name.  And it was all, No. I don't recognize you or your authority here, ma'am.  Be gone.

Then it tried to trick me, Rumpelstiltskin style, by giving me some ridiculously long verification code that wouldn't work in my DNS settings as a CNAME.  So, per the recommendation of a techie guy at my domain registry company, I entered the code as a TXT.  And that didn't even work! 

(Is it me or did I sound like Charlie Brown's teacher in that last paragraph?)

I KNOW!!!!!  I've been editing and adding A records and CNAME records and TXT records and slamalamadingdong records for 3 days now, and I still don't know what any of that means.

It's incredibly confusing.  It's a language I don't speak.  The language of GENIUSES, people.  And we can't all be geniuses, you know?

Which is why I am grateful that techies exist.

Especially female techies.

After 4534 emails (which might be a slight exaggeration) and one fruitless telephone conversation with a techie guy from my domain registry company, and at least 4534 tears, I finally got a solution to my problem 15 minutes after my first interaction with a WOMAN.

She had me send her a screen shot.  She looked into Google Support Forums.  And she went in and fixed that long verification code by removing a period at the end that is not supposed to be there, GOOGLE.  Then she changed it from a TXT to a CNAME.  (I know.  Whatever that is.)  And magically, it worked!!!

Hallelujah!  (For real.) 

Note:  I don't think you have to change any of your settings to keep getting notifications about my blog posts.  A TECHIE WOMAN is on the case (*cue superhero music*), so it should all work like magic now.  If it doesn't, let me know.  (And I will revoke her Woman card.)

COMING SOON 

I will be adding the Disqus commenting system, so my legions of readers can have a more user-friendly way to leave comments.  (Which you will totally do more often, right?) (Because I really, really like getting comments.) (And I will totally reply to them.) (Signed, Comment Ho.) 

Flo the 'fro had to go, but now I'm down wit' the Clown

So you know how I posted that Flo the 'fro was going into retirement due to concerns about offending Black folks and the possibility of having to deal with hateful backlash like the White chick over at Before and Afro? (She recently got her (real) hair did, by the way!)

Well, the feedback I've received since that post has consisted of:

1. Disappointment that Flo is no mo'.  (It's a public no-go fo' Flo.  But will I don her at home?  Fo' sho'.)

and

2. Indignance that White folks like Michelle at Before and Afro get attacked for wearing a 'fro, but Black folks can wear straight blond wigs with no backlash.  It's a double standard.  (Yeah, I said it.)

Howev, my reasons for not wearing Flo out the do' (that stands for "door", all you Whiteys) has more to do with my desire to accurately represent myself.  I'm not political.  I'm crazy.  I want to have fun, and be audacious, and rap crappily in the 'burbs.  A costume is part of the fun.  When it becomes about politics, it becomes unfun.        

Besides, my alter ago, Ms. Crazy Papers, has had the same 'do for years.  Every girl needs a change now and then, right?

I really like color, so how about some colorful do-rags?

Does this do-rag make me look phat?

Or perhaps something like this.  (I'd merely be emulating my favorite songstress!)

Or, even though clowns creep me out, how about a purple clown wig?  (Clowns are pretty much as White as you can get, so I would only be appropriating clown culture.)

Which Caucasian-appropriate look do you like best?  

Suburban Gypsy?  Frou Frou Diva?  Or Purple Clownstress?  

Confession: I'm cheap. And clothing-clueless.

I am all about a great deal.  Especially when it comes to clothes and shoes. 

I found a new sleeveless black dress with tiny white polka dots for $7, count 'em, SEVEN dollars last week.

I go sleeveless in tanks in the summer because it's hot, but I prefer to cover my man-arms in cooler weather.  So I went searching the clearance racks for shrugs yesterday. 

(Nature Boy absolutely LOVES when I go shopping during the day.  He is my homeschool hostage!!!!  MWA-HA-HA!)

I found a teal shrug for $2 at a plus size consignment store that I've been wanting to check out.  TWO DOLLARS, people!

I'm so proud.

My mom says teal doesn't go with black and white polka dots.  I saw pshaw!  Who's with me?!

However, pairing the dress with an unconventional color is presenting me with a shoe dilemma.  I have a chunky black pair of Mary Janes, but since my calves are similarly chunky, I don't think they'd work with a dress.  I also have a sexy pair of black Crocs, but somehow I think that pairing would be unwise.  And I don't really want another pair of black shoes.

So I searched all the cheap-folk aisles at several stores until I found these.

 (cue angelic music)

They have memory foam inside!  (OOOH!)

And they're on sale for $27.99!  (AHHH!)

Wait a minute.  $27.99 does not mean "deal" in my vernacular.  (C-H-E-A-P.)

So wise women, weigh in on my kicks conundrum.  Is it crazy to spend $27.99 on shoes to go with a $9 outfit? 

Or is it genius?
___________________________________________________

P.S.  I'm having an OCD moment.  Do teal shades have to match?   

mY BeeF WITh TEXT!Ng

Once upon a time, I had the perfect little texting phone.  Ergonomic.  Convenient.  All the buttons were in the most obvious places.  I didn't have to push 48345345 different things to type a simple sentence with correct grammar and punctuation.

And correct grammar and punctuation is very important to me.

Even though I used improper sentence structure by starting that last sentence with a conjunction, and there is a subject/verb agreement error.

And that last sentence is a fragment.

DANGIT!

Neurotic Moment: Correct grammar and punctuation are very important to me when texting or writing.  Blogging is different.  It is more conversational.  My blog "voice" is the same as my speaking voice.  And sometimes I speak in fragments.  <-- Or use improper sentence structure.

Anyhoo, suffice it to say that my relationship with my previous cell phone was a beautiful one.  When it wore out, I went to the US Cellular store to replace it with the same model.

Like all good products, my beloved LG Mystique was discontinued.

RIP LG Mystique

 

(I would insert a picture here, but stupid Blogger is having server problems.)
 

When I discovered that it was time to move on to a new cell phone relationship, my cheap ass headed over to the free phones with contract.  There were all of two.  And one was a touch screen. 

 

Touch screens give me an eye twitch.  I don't have the patience for pushing the same letter over and over before the phone recognizes that my fat, stubby fingers are trying to type the letter P. 

 

So I got the "old school" Blackberry-esque free phone.  And it sucks.

 

It's a Samsung.  And therein lies the first problem.  Switching phones isn't as big of a deal if you stay with the same phone manufacturer.  For the most part, all the major functions are laid out the same on each phone the company makes.  Had I switched to another LG (alas, not free), I most likely wouldn't be nearing a cell phone meltdown right now. 

 

And I am.

 

Nearing a cell phone meltdown, I mean.

 

I'll intend to text, "Hey, I found some shoes on clearance for $14!"

 

And it will end up being, "HEY' I FOUND SOME SHOES ON CLEARANCE FOR YED?"

 

Or I'll start a new text message by pressing the letters of the contact I want to text.  But the Samsung Freeform defaults with the number and symbol function in the address line, not letters for contact names.  (Unlike my old LG.)  So instead of Shrinky Dink, I'll send the text to -@2~; 4-';.

 

Yeah.

 

I spend as much time erasing text and fixing grammar and punctuation as I do actually communicating in words.

 

Clearly something is not working here.

 

My options are to come up off some money and buy an LG phone (if they even MAKE non-touch screen phones any more!*) or just give up on being a grammar snob while texting.

I think my cheapness overrides my grammar snobbery in this instance.  At least for now. 

Hear ye!  Hear ye!  I hereby proclaim that while I have this phone, my texts will likely be in lowercase letters and will have no discernible punctuation.  (Gee. I hope I won't lose any of my grammar snob friends over this.)

 

I'm sorry this post was not profound.  Or funny.  Or informative.  Or relevant.

 

Goat dingleberries.

 

____________________________________________________

 

*The US Cellular guy told me most phone companies are phasing out all their button phones.  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Slacking: it's not a diet; it's a lifestyle

You know those times in your life when you're just completely exhausted?  When it's all you can do to get through the day, bargaining with yourself over what you have to do versus what you can let go?  That's me lately.

I'm dealing with some recurrent health issues, mostly vitamin and mineral deficiencies caused by Crohn's disease.  I also have an autoimmune form of arthritis.  (A quarter of folks with Crohn's disease develop it as a secondary issue.)  And I have fibromyalgia.  You know, for those times when none of my other chronic or episodic health problems are flaring up.  Fibromyalgia steps in and is all, "She's feeling good lately.  I got this!"

Stupid fibromyalgia.

Actually, fibro's just a grunt.  The big boss, autoimmunity, is the one pulling the strings.  Autoimmune diseases tend to cluster together, like a group of annoying, gossipy preteen girls.  Being diagnosed with one autoimmune disease magically makes you more likely to be diagnosed with another one.  Or two.  Or five.  Our overzealous immune systems are like, "I AM ALL POWERFUL.  I SHALL VANQUISH MINE ENEMY AND SMITE ALL INTERLOPERS."  Only, it ends up smiting perfectly normal tissue and causing disease.

Both of my parents are also the lucky recipients of autoimmunity.  My mom has hypothyroidism and that sneaky bastard fibromyalgia.  My dad was recently diagnosed with diabetes.  I guess autoimmunity is the downside to my otherwise stellar genetic inheritance.  (Except for, you know, the whole mental illness thing and the tendency to collect belly fat.) 

Anyhoo, my goal in sharing this is not to garner sympathy.  Rather, it is to give an explanation for why I've failed to return to regular blogging now that my summer hiatus is over.

I'd planned to resume my thrice weekly posting schedule this month.  But I'm tired.  And the truth is, I liked just posting when I felt like it.  When I had something to say.  So that's what I'm going to do from here on out.  That means some weeks I'll post 3 or 4 times, and some weeks I won't post at all.  But I won't go away forever without giving you the heads up.  So don't give up on me, y'all. 

And if you haven't already, you might want to subscribe to my blog by email.  That way, all my erratic, unpredictable gems will show up in your inbox as they're published--which you will most definitely not want to miss, as I have a new Afro wig and some fresh raps in the works!

Deep thoughts

Now that I've obsessively analyzed the crap out of my blog statistics, I have the sneaky suspicion that the only folks visiting my blog of late are a trio o' fellow bloggers (Mama, Erin, & Shell), people I know in real life, and people who accidentally stumble across my blog while searching for AWESOME NOSTRIL pics on Google Images. 

Which is fine.  I'm grateful anyone reads my mad ramblings.  And it's a lot of fun to entertain folks you know. 

But on the other hand...

Bloggers live for comments.  (Or maybe that's just me.)  Otherwise blogging is a monologue. 

And I can talk to myself any old time!  (It's one of the perks of being nuts.)

I like making people laugh.  I always have.  When Nature Boy was a baby, I went to a New Age-y retreat where I discovered that my "essence" is joy.  Bringing joy to other people (preferably through Joy's crazier twin, Mirth) is one of my "life purposes".  Deep stuff, that.  (*Insert eye roll here.*)

Anyhoo, I like blogging, but I wish it was more interactive.  Like Facebook.  Does this make me a self-absorbed attention hound? 

Mayhap.  But no more so than any other blogger. 

There are lots of reasons that folks blog.  Some of us are just extroverts who need a platform.  Some of us are all angsty and need a blog to work out all the complicated feelings squished up in our heads.  Some of us are aspiring writers and blogs are great practice grounds.  Some of us are lonely and find connection through the blogging community.  Some of us just want to keep a record of our days for ourselves and our loved ones.

I want to entertain.  To bring people joy.  To do my little part to balance out the stress and the crap we shovel every day.

But I also want to write. 

Really write.  A book, even.  People have been telling me I should write a book for years, but I've never had the confidence.  I have a title and an outline, but that's as far as I got before I freaked out and put my spiral notebook away. 

I freaked out because I am afraid to fail. 

If I don't write a book, I can always think, "I could've written a book."  If I do write one and it's a flop, I will have to say, "I tried and failed."

Why is failure so threatening?  It's not even my greatest fear.  It's nothing compared to loss, and I've survived that.

Has there been a time in your life when you took a deep breath and stepped out in faith to follow a dream?  How did you get over your fear?

Down with pinatas!

My adorable blogging buddy over at Bohemian Bowmans is currently en route to Canada.  To keep her readers entertained during her move, she scheduled guest posts on her blog.  (Unlike my sorry ass, who announced a summer blog hiatus and then just disappeared--leaving y'all with nothing but old, played out reposts.  Yeah, sorry about that.)

Anyhoo, today's my guest posting day.  In it, I share with you my strong stance on pinatas.

Check it out here.

__________________________________________________________

P.S.  Tomorrow I will wow you with more of my rap stylings.  Stay tuned for Grammar Rap!

P.S.S.  I totally suck at blog hiatuses.  (Hiatuses? Hiati?)

A little corn with my flakes

So uh, instead of pondering for the entire summer whether or not I'll resume blogging in the fall, the decision took me all of one day. Because my impulsive ass doesn't need three months to methodically weigh the pros and cons and stew in the resulting angst.

Nay, with the help of my legions of blog fans (read: about 8 people), I've determined that this blog is worth continuing. I really do enjoy writing it. And let's not forget that reading my blog affects public policy, raises money for cures for obscure diseases, and shapes the very fabric of a generation. (I just made that last bit up.)

I still need to spend a lot less time online though. So what's a girl to do?

This girl has decided to stick with a summer blog hiatus and to give up my less rewarding online activities so I can continue blogging after the summer break.

Pinterest-schminterest. Youtube-booblube. Message boards--I can't think of one for those.

In the meantime, I'll be reposting oldies-but-goodies each week.

__________________________________________________________________________
P.S. To get you in the mood for summer, here's a picture I took at the pool of the whitest guy in America.

You're welcome.

Life, or a reasonable facsimile

My first blog lasted a year and a hundred-odd posts.  I have been blogging for about 15 months this go-round, churning out 150 posts before this one.

I stopped blogging the first time because I noticed that I was spending more and more time living a virtual life, and less and less time living my real life.  Technology is a greedy beotch.

Balance is the word I chose for 2012.  And I am not living up to it. 

I'm blogging and Pinteresting and Facebooking and message boarding and emailing and Youtubing and Googling.  It's all too much.

I enjoy blogging because it's a creative outlet.  This blog is "me".  It's all audacity and wordplay and sarcasm and joy-seeking.

But I love my real life more than my virtual life, and I can't seem to walk the line between the two.

~

I've been that mom who stays up really late blogging (3am) and then sleeps too late (11am) only to jump back on the computer to check for blog comments as I'm eating my peanut butter oatmeal.

I've been that wife who says, "Sure, I'll put your clean clothes up when I'm done with this," only to drag my computer-zombie ass to bed with nary a pant hung up.

I've been that homeschooler who creates exciting learning plans for the day only to realize at 4pm that all I've accomplished is the drawing of a bad cartoon and some witty Facebook updates.

I've been that friend who says, "Yeah, I'll meet your kids after school," only to show up 10 minutes late because I "just have to finish this one thing" online.

I've been that driver who returns text messages at red lights, and if I'm being honest, who has even texted while driving a few times.

I've been that family member who plays online like a teenager instead of helping a tired, sore loved one with housework. 

~

I don't do balance very well.

I was already turning this over in my mind when I found handsfreemama.com.  I was really touched by what I read.  Especially How to Miss a Childhood and A Well Loved Child.  

I think I happened across this blog because I needed confirmation of what my heart was telling me.  I need a break from technology.  I want it to be an option, not a daily requirement. 

I need to be more present in my real life. 

So I'm taking the summer off, y'all.  I'm going to spend these months slathering my white ass with sunscreen, reading a lot of good books, splashing at the pool with Nature Boy, and enjoying BBQ with my family and friends.

But do not despair, dear readers.  I'll be back come fall with plenty of steaming fresh crap to say.

Have a wonderful summer and stay tuned for weekly oldie-but-goodie reposts!

 

Ch-ch-changes...suck.

Man, what's up with social media's fascination with NEWER!  BETTER! DIFFERENT!?  Facebook's always changing something, making even veteran users feel like newbies.  (I still hate that stupid side ticker.) 

Now Blogger's "upgrading" things too, with a new (more embedded, less intuitive) dashboard look.  I don't know about you, but whenever a social media change is announced, I stubbornly keep things the old way for as long as possible.  Because I don't like change unless I choose it!  All this does is delay the inevitable, but hey, it gives me more time to be the boss of me.  And that's always a good thing.

I can totally see why so many people prefer Wordpress over Blogger.  Wordpress has a bunch of cool features that Blogger doesn't.  I've remained with Blogger though, because when I tried Wordpress, it seemed like more work.  In my not-so-humble opinion, Wordpress's dashboard isn't as obvious or visually appealing as Blogger's WAS.  With the old Blogger dashboard, all the options were right there, side-by-side. 

Not anymore.

Now Blogger's dashboard is more like Wordpress's.  Which makes me think that maybe I should go ahead and make the switch. 

Have you switched blogging platforms?  Are you considering it?

Kicking and screaming: an unschooling story

Hey peeps!  Have I mentioned that I'm one of the writers at the newly relaunched Christian Unschooling website? 

If you'd like to find out how we stumbled into this thing we call unschooling, click the button below.  (Yes, there will be cartoons!)

Help me out, yo

I created a poll at the top of my right sidebar with some options for changes to this blog.  Just little tweaks and whatnot to make things more reader-friendly.  

Would you mind voting if any of the choices apply?  And if there's something else you think would make a good addition (or deletion), or you want more or less of something in particular, please leave me a comment with your recommendation.

I promise not to shank you.  

Thanks!

A little unsolicited advice

The thing about having a blog is that you gotta rein yourself in sometimes.  You know, budget your creativity wisely.  A little funny here.  A little self-deprecation there.  A little rant over yonder.  If you blow it all in one place at the same time, you're gonna run out of crap to say.  And people will be disappointed that you can't keep it up.

It's like wearing makeup.  If you (like me) rarely wear makeup, people get used to looking at your natural (dark-circled, ruddy) face.  When you deign to put on a little shellac, people think you look like a supermodel.  Whereas if you always wear makeup, people get used to the spiffy you.  So when you don't have time for The Face one morning, or you just want to give your skin some breathing room, people assume you're sick or that your husband left you. 

It's all about lowering people's expectations, see.  And I, for one, think it's a good game plan for life.

My theory is that when you lower other people's expectations, any little thing you do is magnified to greatness.  Are you a terrible housekeeper?  Make the bed.  Your husband will be amazed!  Can't cook?  Throw a bunch of stuff in the Crockpot.  Your children will be in awe!  Never fix your hair?  Invest in a newsboy cap.  You'll look stylish without even trying. 

Don't show your game face all the time.  That way you can surprise people. 

And sometimes, you might even surprise yourself.

P.S.  I'm working on a cold sore now, just so people will think my lips look AWESOME at Christmas in comparison.

Announcing the results of the Everyday Hilarity Writing Contest!

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday, y'all!  We visited Tree Guy's parents and that zany bald guy, Uncle Jake.  It was good times.

I enjoyed reading your entries whilst inhaling delicately nibbling three slices a single tiny sliver of pie.  Thank you so much for participating.  My panel of "experts" and I have decided on a winner.  Or three. 

So without further ado, I give you the grand prize winner!  The soon-to-be-recipient of a crazy wig and a drawering!  The empress of Everyday Hilarity!  And the award goes to............................



She who wrote "The Offering"!  Congratulations!



Alas, this writer doesn't have a blog, howev, she provided me with two more essays (a before and an after) to go along with her winning entry.  My next post will be her prequel to "The Offering."  Stay tuned for the winning entry later this week. 

But why stop there?  Howse about we top Charlie Sheen and be tri-winners?!  We've decided on two second place entries. 

The shared second place winners wrote such gems as "It Will Grow Back...Won't It?" and "A Glimpse of Motherhood."  Click on the titles to check out their blogs.

Both writers win goofy wigs perfect for embarrassing spouses and children!  I will feature the second place entries here on my blog next week.

So, trio o' wordsmiths, send me an email with your mailing address and I will get your prizes to you ASAP.

BONUS!  Grab a button and announce your award wherever you'd like!  (Three woots for shameless self-promotion!)




<center><a href="http://yeahisaiditblog.blogspot.com/2011/11/announcing-results-of-everyday-hilarity.html" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUYFHzhoQalQ8fD_iH3Dcto652DnZ299Y2Rj-Fl-ofdJTuHwcDAyEOr3tKOvk6fiKWVwXf6KImGe_NSWnAc4N4NY9vviYz2XLX7_8Av-Iol5YocbKDoebV_UQZ7JuykO_ClvUihSOEIcsR/s1600/Everyday+Hilarity-5.jpg" /></a></center>

Last call for Everyday Hilarity Writing Contest entries!

I know I'm not yer mama, but I'm gone nag you anyway because it is HIGH TIME, missy, that you sent your submission in.  Don't you know that the deadline is tomorrow?  You think the Blog Fairy's gonna fly in with your story all done up for you?  If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times that there ain't no sense in waiting 'til the last minute to do what you got to do!  Prince Charming ain't gonna ride in here on no white horse and carry you away to no castle!  Where is your head, girl?  Now, enough of this here fiddle-fartin'!  Just go on now and git 'er done.  And look here, Mama's gone make you a pie.  A PIE!  I shore am.  So get movin', little lady!   

That's a good girl, now.

Everyday Hilarity Writing Contest--with a prize!

I'd like you (bloggers, non-bloggers, whoever) to write about something hilarious that you've experienced.  I want the story, your perceptions about it, the aftermath.  All of it.  Keep it PG-13 and 750 words or less.  Include photos if you want to.  Submissions will be judged by a panel o' 3 people with fantastic wit (including me, of course).  Depending on how many submissions I receive, up to 3 winners will be chosen.  Winners' stories will be posted here on my blog and I'll send you a.......(wait for it)..........


CRAZY WIG OF YOUR VERY OWN! 


But wait!  There's more!  I'll also illustrate your story (yep, a custom drawering by yours truly) so you can post your story on your own blog/Facebook, etc.

It might be a 'fro wig.  It might be a Donald Trump wig.  It might be a vampire wig.  It might even be dreadlocks.  (Don't worry fellow paranoia-sufferers, it will be sealed in its original packaging and I won't share your address with anyone.  Wait a minute.  This means I have to share my address with the winners.  Okay, that freaks me out a little.  Hmmm.  Maybe I'll put my mom's address on the package as the return address.  She's not paranoid.  Okay, we're good.)

I will accept submissions until Wednesday, November 23, 2011. Send your stories to yeahisaiditblog{at}gmail{dot}com.  Winners will be announced on Monday, November 28, 2011.  Bring it on, y'all.

But first, grab my button!

<center><a href="http://yeahisaiditblog.blogspot.com/2011/11/everyday-hilarity-writing-contest-with.html"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8qXensauUxlH6j5dOa8OmGqTT6qV5O71KCQR8EkbzFp23nfHjgDtgOqc5UJa2yZwir6a1LB6MWhaUYmyp6dPxdWJVgeS2ZSB7b0vZfbor5oANAYHeqQFeupgqyb9nqd1yRojQzcOtXMEZ/s1600/Everyday+Hilarity-3.jpg" /></a></center>