Flashback Friday: The sporadic songstress

Who's up for some shameless self-promotion? 

About a year ago, I discovered that I could do karaoke at home--sans audience!--using music and lyrics from Youtube.  Since I've got a bit o' stage fright, this finding was a boon!

Here's a post from my old blog, written in May 2010.

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The Sporadic Songstress

So, I used to sing. My mom tells me it started early--at 3 or 4 I was giving concerts for family and friends. I was quite the diva. The love of performing continued in elementary school. My mom got us a talent agent and she and my brother and I did commercials. I took part in talent shows and did musicals too. It was fun. What a gift to discover something you're good at as a little kid!

I continued singing as a teenager. R&B/soul was my style--influenced by growing up in two racially and musically diverse cities, St. Louis and Dallas. I liked Anita Baker, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, and En Vogue. During these years I became increasingly self-conscious about performing onstage. I was curvy and not as comfortable with having all eyes on me. I also struggled to read music; I learned songs by ear instead. These two things kept me from pursuing music in college.

My taste in music has changed somewhat over the years. I still like listening to women with big, soulful voices like Christina Aguilera, Pink, and Jennifer Hudson. But I've discovered contemporary blues! Bonnie Raitt, Joss Stone, and Susan Tedeschi are awesome. White chicks with soul! :)

I don't sing much anymore. When I do, it's along with CDs in the car. My son is my audience. I might do karaoke for fun once or twice a year. And I'm OK with that. I just like singing for the joy of it.

Last weekend my mom (who also sings and used to have a country band) and I planned a karaoke night with friends. They flaked on us, so we went out to dinner instead. When I got home, I decided to do a little karaoke-ing on my own in front of the computer. I found the instrumental version (with lyrics) of Black Velvet on Youtube. I'm rusty, but here it is:

 

 

And here's a love song for my husband, Save Me From Myself:

 

 

 

 

P.S.  If you get my blog posts via email, these videos might not show up.  I know not why.   

 

P.S.S.  I'm working on a couple of new songs to post here, just fer you!

Ask Dani: the good enough marriage

Remember that I told you I have a small but mighty advice column on Facebook?  Here's another Q & A from an anonymous querier.

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Dear Dani,

I'm really struggling in my marriage. We have been married 22 years and I act like everything is fine, but it's really not. He is content with our marriage/life, but not me. Things are just alright. No excitement. No connection. We seem more like roommates than lovers.

I don't want to hurt him, but I'm miserable.

What should I do?

Unhappy Wife

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Dear Unhappy Wife,

I think what you're going through is completely normal. I think we (Americans, women, white chicks with Cinderella complexes) have been sold a line that does nothing to help marriages last. We grow up thinking that happy, loving feelings are the most important factors in relationships, despite the fact that we fight with our frenemies, have mama drama, and alternately adore and hate our siblings—all while continuing to love them. In no other relationship in our lives do we expect to feel loving and happy all the time. And that's crap! I believe the core problem is that we have unrealistic expectations for intimate relationships.

There are so many facets to a healthy relationship: friendship, companionship, partnership, co-parenting, I-got-your-back-ing, mutual financial advising, co-dreaming, sex, affection, fun, learning together, laughing together. (Running toward each other in a field of wildflowers with arms outstretched is a cliché, not reality.) How are the other aspects of your marriage going? Do you have fun together? Have you talked about future plans you can both get excited about? Do you value your peaceful home, your stable marriage?

It sounds like you value passion and excitement. There's nothing wrong with that. They have their place. But they aren't enough by themselves to sustain a marriage for life. Instead of leaving, why not put your effort and energy toward revitalizing the 22 year commitment you're already in? You didn't mention telling your husband that you're unhappy, so I assume you've been keeping your suffering to yourself. I suggest you think about what you DO want and ask for it.

Have you considered the possibility that what you really want is more passion and excitement in your life in general, and not just your marriage? Do you think it's possible that you're putting too much pressure on the marriage to make you happy with your life? What else do you have going on? Is this lack of contentment just marriage-specific, or do you feel uninspired and directionless in general?

I think answering some of these questions for yourself will get you started on a plan for a more fulfilling life. Counseling might help you flesh all this out, as well as develop realistic expectations for your marriage. I wish you the best.

Signed,
Dani

Guest Post: Mimi speaks, part II

In Part I of GC Brawler's thesis about Facebook, she quipped about her addiction to Facebook games.  Here is the second installment.  This time it's personal.  

Click here if you missed Part I.

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The Joys and Foibles of Social Networking - Part II

By my mom, aka Mimi, aka GC Brawler, aka Badass Kas

Thinking about how my life has changed since Facebook has been an eye opener.

I am able to see, without being in close proximity, the wonderful friends my daughter has in her life.  Friends are the presents we give ourselves, so way to go, Dani.  It says a lot about the person you have become.  Facebook has also shown me that she's not only funny in person and in day-to-day life, but also in print.  Her "drawer-ings" are priceless.  Just as priceless are the pictures of her father in a kilt.

When folks leave a job or town, there are always promises of staying in touch.  We all mean that, too.  But for the most part, it doesn't happen.  Life gets busy.  How long would it have been before I got to see my oldest and bestest bud's first grandchild back in Illinois??  With Facebook, it was one day.

I otherwise wouldn't know that my fifth grade boyfriend is still pretty much the same nice, intelligent guy he was when he bought me that ring.  I got to see pics of his house, wife and kids.  Wonderful people and good souls I met in high school.  People I haven't seen in 40 years...I know what their kids look like.  I learned it seems we change so much but in the grand scheme of things, not so much.  I'm blessed to have them all back in my virtual life.  (I also stumbled across my nasty ex's wife.  DOH!)

It's amazing to know that I have become friends, yes, actual friends, with people from all over the world.  There's the Hispanic couple whose life and posts read like an episode of I Love Lucy.  They are deeply in love.  And I love them.  When they went to see Lady Gaga, she had to put the beat down on some chick who was acting up on her husband.  He bragged about it the next day.  Sorry to have missed the visual.  It still made me LOL.  Really.  I did.  When he deployed to the war we are fighting, I worried for both of them.  He's back, safe at home once again.

I have now a vast knowledge of new (to me) and different cultures.  For example, I've learned that the Turks are very much into their music.  I know more Muslim DJs than another other kind.  I may not know their family lives, but I do know they are passionate about their music.  And their God, fans and peoples.  I didn't even know what "trance" music was before them.  They include me, because I think it's fun for them to share and introduce new music.  I show my appreciation.  You don't have to understand the lyrics to get it.  Music is a universal language.  

During Ramadan, an adopted son sent me pics and videos of some very beautiful things and traditions.  He taught me about his culture.  He was also the link to the man that made me stop saying, "I'll never get married again."  Yep.  I found my husband-to-be on Facebook!!!  LOL!  Literally LOL!  I am so blessed by this, I cannot make a joke here.  I witnessed a freakin' revolution (in Tunisia) firsthand by folks living it!!!  During the revolution, Facebook was my only means of contacting my friends in Tunisia.  No email worked.  No mail got in or out. 

And speaking of sons, I am the adopted mother of my son Collin's best friend from high school.  (Collin passed away in 1993.)  We are "together" frequently on this social media.  I know what his wife and kids look like.  I know he likes to fish, he likes music and big trucks.  He loves his family more than life, and he genuinely loved my son.  We are bonded.  I also know that he's got a huge heart which fits with his ginormous body, and that he's pretty damn funny too.

I get to see my niece and her huge family in pictures and posts.  Before Facebook, it had been years.  Our family is quite damaged actually.  I would not have known which kid went with which name if not for this. They are a great bunch!  She's a good mom.

Most of all, I laugh more.  This is hard to imagine, but I do.  "When I hear stop, my brain says hammertime." Bahahahahahaha!  The world is chock-full of funny, intelligent, talented people.  Try to remember that the next time you are at work and the village idiot speaks up.  Somehow, knowing that keeps me from having a violent picture in my head. 

So here we are.  People I don't know and will probably never meet are reading this.  How freakin' cool is that??