Flashback Friday: My housework rap

Here's a little ditty I wrote back in January 2010.  (You'll have to supply the beat-boxing.)

Yo! I'm Danielle, and I'm a housework slacka.
I don't put stuff up. I'm an expert stacka.
A horizontal filer, a piler, an I'll-do-it-in-a-whiler.
As a result, I'm a clutter compiler.
I tried Fly Lady, but that plan is whack.
I attack the dog hair, but the hair fights back.
Why do boys' toys have so many pieces?
We give some away--still the number increases.
Cleanin's no fun, but it's gotta be done.
So I'll end this rap and go clean up some crap. Uh!

...and I like to do drawerings.

Although the title refers to one of Mike Myers' goofy SNL comedy skits, I'm finding that I really do like to do drawerings.  I suck at actual, legitimate attempts at artwork, but drawerings? I got that.

Here's what I've been up to this week.

Me: a self-portrait.

To keep it real, I made one eye higher than the other one and gave myself a double chin.  My family and friends helpfully pointed out that I look like I'm wearing a straight jacket.  That was unintentional.  In reality, I tried to make it look like I was crossing my arms because when I draw hands, they look like this:

 My next endeavor was an amazingly true-to-life rendition of Shrinky Dink.

Despite its inherent awesomeness, Shrinky Dink complained that I added wrinkles by the mouth.  I was going for an irked expression.  So they are expression lines, Shrinky Dink.  If I meant to draw you with wrinkles, it would have looked more like this:

Now before you all think I'm a bad friend, let me share with you what Shrinky Dink did to my self-portrait when I told her that I have poison ivy on my eyelid. 

She even added the byline: Yo ho ho and a bottle of calamine.

Yes, I have poison ivy on my EYELID.  My husband Tree Guy is a forester and often brings home such "gifts" from nature.  Usually I avoid poison ivy by refusing to wash my husband's clothes, but this week (in an effort to bribe him to take that table back to the furniture store finally) I did his laundry.  And a weepy, crusty eyelid is my reward. 

There is a back story to the laundry thing.  A couple years ago mysterious things started to happen to the laundry whenever I washed my husband's clothes.  Despite checking the pockets, a pen would ruin the load.  Candy and gum wrappers would hide in pockets and jump out to scare me as soon as I pulled the clothes from the dryer.  An errant penny would kick the crap out of the dryer--but only during Tree Guy's loads.  A bleach spot would randomly appear on a t-shirt (even though I never use bleach). The last straw was when a Sharpie exploded inside the washer.  I was so traumatized by our laundry poltergeist that I vowed never to do Tree Guy's laundry again.

Desperate to stop obsessing about the water ring on the dining table, I sacrificed my principles.  And when I told Tree Guy (who loves to be profiled online) that my gimpy eye is yet another sign from on high that I shouldn't be doing his laundry, he gave me this look:

I get no respect.

I'd like to thank the little people...*

*Remind me to tell you about my former "little people" phobia.  I overcame it by watching a Little People, Big World marathon.  The Urban Dictionary dubiously lists the name of this phobia as Lollypopguildophobia.  Perhaps the true name is listed at The Phobia List.  (Is it weird that I have a list of phobias bookmarked?)

But back to the subject at hand.  I am blowing kisses and doing a pageant wave right now because Byn at 365 Days of Clean Eating recently awarded me with the Stylish Blogger Award.  Thanks, Byn!

There are a few responsibilities that come with this honor.  In addition to linking to and thanking the granter of this award, Stylish Blogger Award recipients must share seven things about themselves and give the award to fifteen recently discovered bloggers.  (I'll highlight my top ten, because I'm the boss of me.)  Here goes:

1.  I once broke up a fight between a dog and a black wolf.  The wolf bit my arm.  I am now a werewolf.
2.  I threw shot put, played basketball, and lifted weights in high school.  I ate and smoked in college.  : /
3.  I love to read.  Especially historical fiction.  I've learned more history from reading this genre than I ever did in school.
4.  I was once sneezed on by an elephant.
5.  I wasn't a good flosser until my early 30s.
6.  I am a sweet tea addict.
7.  I was in commercials and musicals as a kid.

Some of my favorite bloggers are:

Tiff at freeplaylife!  She is a powerhouse of unschooling/photography/RV living coolness.
Hyperbole and a Half is the funniest blog EVAH!  I laugh until I pee a little.
The House Creative is inspiring eye candy.
Dysfunction Junction is Shrinky Dink's new blog.
I like the premise of I Married a Moron - And Survived!  Though not married to a moron personally, I've known a few...
Who wouldn't like Diaries of a Grumpy Grateful Mom?
Annie over at Pentriloquist calls it like she sees it AND she's funny.
365 little joys is a photography blog project recently launched by a friend of mine.  She's an awesome children's photographer, and her kids are seriously cute.
Belle over at Codependent Beauty has such a fresh blog.  It makes me happy just to visit.
Dontcha Wish You Could Blog Like Me? because she tells it like it is.  And she writes about poop.