Mugged Again

Recently I woke up from 8 weeks of first trimester hibernation feeling decidedly frumpy.  I hadn't done my nails in months.  I only shaved because I had doctor appointments and I wanted to avoid rumors of Sasquatch sightings in the medical community.  And I hadn't had a haircut in 14 weeks.  My hair had grown out of its style and was past my shoulders.  Tree Guy told me I looked like a hippie.  And not the cute kind of hippie.

Like her.  Except I pluck my chin hair.

If you've been here awhile, you know all about my haircut issues.  About how the secret underground sorority of hairstylists has a vendetta against me.  How they've all apparently taken a blood oath to royally screw up my hair every time I dare to place my round rump in their chairs.  How they've included Nature Boy in their grudge.  

For the past year, Shrinky Dink (my artist/therapist pal) has cut my hair.  She isn't actually a hairstylist.  Which is probably why she does such a good job.  She's not bound by the pact!

Anyhoo, I woke up yesterday thinking, I must get my groove back!  I need to see some semblance of myself when I look in the mirror!

But Shrinky Dink's out of town.

So I stupidly went to a chain salon for a haircut last night.  And not just any chain salon.  The fancy one.  Inside Walmart.  Yeah.  Because hey, it was 8PM and I needed groceries anyway.

You know how you walk into a salon you've never been to before and immediately eye the stylist with the best hair in the place, hoping she'll be the one cutting your hair?  And instead you get a 15 year old with a buzz cut?

I should've run when the stylist I got suggested an asymmetrical cut.  I let her know then and there that I'm totally OCD about symmetry and if I had an asymmetrical haircut, I'd walk with my head leaning to the longer side because it would just feel that weird. 

I told her I wanted an inverted bob that falls right at shoulder length at its longest part.  And that's what she gave me.

On one side.

I asked her twice to check for evenness.  She did.  But when I got home, I realized my hair looked something like this (without the awesome color and styling).

WTF hairstylists?!  Is it really that hard to listen to what a client wants and give her that?  Most 6-year-olds can cut a straight line!

So I brought my groceries in and busted out the scissors.  I spent an hour trimming the hair on my right side to line up more evenly with the left side.  It's not easy cutting your own hair when it's curly.  WHICH IS WHY CURLY-HAIRED PEOPLE GO TO PROFESSIONALS!

Now you might be thinking to yourself, Danielle, it's your fault for going to a cheap Walmart salon!  I'll give you that.  But I have to add that I've gone to fancy salons and paid a lot more for shitty haircuts too.  It doesn't seem to matter where I go or how much I pay.  Hence my vendetta theory.

Since Shrinky Dink is a therapist, she understands OCD neuroses, and she's willing (for the 4334345th time) to fix a hairstylist's mistake when she gets back in town.

Until then, I'll be the one walking with her head slightly tilted to the right. 

Not exactly an immaculate conception, but still pretty darn miraculous

Since all 3 people who read my blog are also my Facebook friends, this will probably not be a surprise to anyone.  (Note:  I have more than 3 Facebook friends.  It's just that the other 100-odd friends don't read my blog.  F$%kers.)  (Just kidding!)  (Kinda.)

Anyhoo.  My old ass is PREGNANT, y'all!  Knocked up.  PG.  With child.  Bun in the oven.  Preggers.  Expecting.  Harboring a fugitive.

Here's the proof.  (I wanted to be really, really sure.)

^^^^I peed on those.^^^^

I am nearing 40, which doesn't exactly put me in line for the Guinness Book of World Records for Oldest Pregnant Chick, but still.  How is it possible to have chin hairs AND be gestating?  (This person aside.)

I've written before that I've been infertile for a decade, thanks to Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.  (Which I can also thank for those chin hairs.)  When I was diagnosed, the endocrinologist said, "If you want to have another baby, you are going to require fertility treatments."  We didn't want to go down that road for financial reasons, but also because my husband was afraid we'd end up with 5 babies at once.  We flirted with adopting, but finally accepted our small family size.  

A year ago I started taking Metformin.  Not for diabetes, but for hormonal balance so I could have normal "cycles".  My primary care doctor told me that I could get pregnant while on Metformin, but I didn't believe her.  Ten years of infertility and 4723655 negative pregnancy tests will do that to a person.

But it's true!  I'm about 12 weeks along now, and I've seen and heard my baby's heartbeat and had 3 ultrasounds!  This fancy, newfangled OB/GYN I see has ultrasound machines in every exam room.    Woohoo! 

This pregnancy has been different.  For one, I haven't thrown up once.  But I've been nauseous!  And I'm gassy.  (Ain't gonna lie.)  I've been really, really tired.  Even more than a middle-aged mom with autoimmunity can expect.  

My guys had different reactions to the news.  My husband was like, "It ain't mine." *

*Just kidding.  He WAS, however, all, "You're NOT pregnant!"  I like to think that his reaction was more about the aforementioned history of 4723655 negative pregnancy tests rather than a reflection of his feelings about being a middle-aged babydaddy.  Though his second reaction was, "I am going to be 58 when this child graduates high school..."

Our son was all, "Ahhh!  What!?  Nuh ugh!!!!" for about 10 minutes.  He's been perfectly fine being an only child, so that didn't surprise me.

 
What did surprise me was that after the initial shock, he was like, "Huh. This might be pretty cool."  And he's been such a help to me.  Doing dishes.  Letting me nap any old time.  Bringing me food when I'm too lazy/tired/arthritic to get it myself.

I've found out since that a few of my friends from high school are expecting new babies too.  It's great to share this with other old young-at-heart gals.  And I have local friends who've just given birth too.  So I'm in good company.  Next challenge:  Finding plus size maternity clothes.  (Wish me luck!)

Wanna see a pic of the little one?  (Is it weird to share an ultrasound picture on a blog?)

LOOK HOW CUTE!!!!!!

Summer Wrap

Whew!  It's been a busy summer, y'all!

It was all-Godspell-all-the-time for awhile there.  Here's a video of my solo.  (That's Nature Boy in the polka dots!)




I can't believe it's already Back to School time for the neighborhood kids.  Why, back in my day, we didn't start school until after Labor Day.

Long live summer!

That said, I'm totally being a follower and starting our homeschool year now too.  Our homeschooling style has shifted a lot over the 7 years we've been doing this.  We started out doing unit studies, switched to a 3Rs, Ruth Beechick-y approach, got all hippie and unschooled for a few years, and now we've settled into plain ol' "relaxed homeschooling".

Which I define as:  not enough formal school work to look or feel like actual school, but enough formal school work so I don't have panic attacks and go prematurely grey.

Finding your groove in homeschooling is like getting past that annoying period in your 20s when you're all, Who am I?  What am I supposed to be doing with my life?  It's a relief, really.  I'm fairly certain that I spent more time agonizing over learning styles, teaching methods, and what other people might think about our choices than I did actually homeschooling for the first 5 years or so.  For real.

Now that that's over (knock on wood), I can confidently say that I am:

Woohoo.

In other news, I'm still fat.

BUT, I've gone to a couple PiYo classes (pilates and yoga combo), and I really enjoyed them.  Even though I sweat like a man and I'm too arthritic for a yoga mat, so I use our gel mat from the kitchen.  (Yeah, all the young skinny girls wanna be like me!)  Usually I work out at home, alone, after everyone else has gone to bed.  Not because I'm ashamed or anything.  It's just, that's my time to Netflix binge, and exercising without being entertained by TV is just weird.

As we wrap up summertime, I'm going to take a minute to review the highlights.

Ren Faire!

We got a pet mouse.  (Read: the snake didn't want him.) 

He's actually a really friendly little guy.  Hand-tame and everthang.

Berry pickin'!

Ripley's Believe It or Not Odditorium!

Did some more crafty stuff.

Nature Boy grew an awesome garden.

And he started a wire wrapped jewelry business!
If you'd like to buy one of his necklaces, send me an email at yeahisaiditblog{at}gmail.com.  You can choose your stone from several options, and the price is $15 shipped. 
(The pendants below have already sold.)
We're considering a family Etsy shop, but for now, we're set up to take Paypal.

That's all I got!  I hope you've enjoyed your summer.  Please leave a comment sharing one of your favorite activities of the summer, or tell me something you're looking forward to this fall.